titushome

Cow and Chicken Update

2011-12-24T20:36:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to give a quick update on the girls project to buy a cow and some chickens for a family in South Asia. (See post below!)

They worked hard, grinding wheat, baking bread, and spreading the word to friends and family about their project. Thanks to the generosity of many of their friends, they were able to raise $667, enough to buy, not only the cow and chickens they originally had planed to, but to also buy two rabbits, two sheep, and two goats as well. They were THRILLED to be able to meet and exceed their goal, and I wanted to thank all of you who helped them out by giving money or buying items they were selling.

Merry Christmas!!!! Hoping all our friends and family have a wonderful day tomorrow celebrating our Saviour's birth!!!

Some Chickens, a Cow, and Maybe Some Rabbits Too

2011-11-11T13:31:00.000-08:00

Abigail and Bethlehem kneading bread for their fundraiser.

Some chickens, a cow, and maybe some rabbits too.....that is what the girls want to get for Christmas. They always collect the mail when it comes through the mail slot, and they found our Gospel for Asia gift catalog and asked me what it was. I told them it was a catalog to buy things for families in South Asia that don't have very much money and not much food either, and then went back to my dish washing. A few minutes later, I heard them talking together....

Abigail: "Look, Bete! Chickens...and pigs....and cows...and here is a camel!! What shall we get?"
Bete: "I like the cow."
Abigail: "A cow would be good 'cause they have milk to drink. If the family has kids they need milk."
Bete: "Chickens lay eggs, like our chickens!"
Abigail: "How 'bout the camel...what do camels do?"
Bete: "I don't know. I don't like the camel much. It looks kind of weird."
Abigail: "They have bikes and stuff too."
Bete: "I like the animals best."
Abigail: "Me too. Lets get some chickens and a cow."

They come into the kitchen....

Abigail: "Mama, we've decided to buy some chickens and a cow. Do we have enough money in our banks?"
Me: "Probably not, but you could earn it....it would be hard work though."
Abigail: "We want to do that."

"We want to do that." Raise $386. A two year old and a just-turned 4 year old. I explained to them as best I could how much money that was. They were undaunted. I asked if they would like to pick a couple cheaper items instead of the cow. They responded with "Nope, we want to buy the chickens AND the cow and MAYBE some rabbits and goats if we earn more than we need for the cow and the chickens."

And so they began trying to figure out how they would raise the money to buy.....

Some chickens......

a cow......

and maybe some rabbits too!

I asked on Facebook for some ideas from friends.....my parents, who pastor the church we attend, suggested they do a presentation about it in church and they could take up an offering. Several people suggested selling crafts, art projects, and baked goods.

They did their little presentation at church last Sunday, and I was SO proud of them. Abigail stood up and very shyly told people they were going to buy chickens and cows for a family in Asia and would anyone like to help......then, at the top of her little voice, she sang Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam - Bete stood beside her, but was a little TOO shy to join in. This coming Sunday they will find out how much they will have raised from that.

Several friends have found out about their fundraiser and generously donated money.

And then Abigail said "Why don't we make bread to sell?" I had been mulling over the bake sale idea, and while it is a good one, this is the time of year where there are so many sweets around that most people I know are trying to avoid them. Bread....homemade bread was a fabulous idea!! I suggested to her also selling freshly ground flour (we have a grain mill) - for people who want to make their own bread or cookies.

So that is what we are doing. For $5 you can buy a loaf of 100% whole wheat bread, made with 90% organic ingredients, and for $5 you can buy freshly ground Organic Hard White Wheat Flour. They will also soon be offering Soft Wheat Flour (pastry flour). If you are interested, email me using the contact button on the right hand side of the blog.

Several people have asked me what part of this work the girls do themselves. Because they are so young, they do need lots of mama help, but you would be surprised at how much they can do! (Especially Abigail)

Abigail and the grain mill.....all set to make fresh flour.

First you put in the grain, turn it on and then.......

Scoop out the freshly ground flour into jars or bags to sell!

When it comes to making bread......

Mix it all up.

Mix it somemore.

Knead it for 20 minutse (yep, she did it herself).

Let it rise, and before you know it, you have two loaves all ready to bake!!!!

As Abigail was kneading the bread today, she looked at me and said:

"Know what, Mama? We're making Jesus happy. That's the most important thing ever."

Yes it is, my precious girl. Don't ever forget it!!!!

Adopting on a Budget: how we saved, scrimped, and fundraised our way to Bethlehem

2011-06-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to do a blog post about adopting on a budget for a long time now, but haven't got a chance! We'll see how far the girls let me get......maybe it will be a two part series. :) Which means, of course that I'll write the first part and then for the next 6 months or so say "I really need to write that second part" and then I'll forget! I'm going to start our budget story back when we first got married, so bear with me.....I've been feeling I should share this....not so you can say "wow! what great budgeting!" but so that you can see how possible it is to get out of debt AND adopt with God's help and by giving up a few things that are not REALLY needs. And there are SO many ways to save money - the ways we saved money may not work for your family, but you may find a few ideas here that could help you think of ways your family can save money!

When Don and I met and married, he had a lot of college-related debt, a couple credit cards with balances on them, and a car payment. Total came to a little over $50,000. We talked and prayed a lot about budgeting, getting out of debt and our plans for the future. We decided that the best plan would be to get out of debt except for our house mortgage before we had children. And so we wrote up a rather strict budget. We sold his car (at a loss), and bought an older one we could pay cash for - in so doing, saving hundreds of dollars a year on insurance premiums since with a car not worth more than $1500 we only needed liability insurance, not comprehensive. We decided to be a one car family - I got a job with a close enough location and schedule to Don's that I could drop him at work in downtown Portland (no need to pay parking!) and drive two miles to my work, which had free parking! I got off 15 minutes before he did, so could be waiting outside his work when he came out. Besides saving a ton of money, it gave us the opportunity to spend much more time with each other than if we'd had seperate commutes. We looked carefully at each and every bill we had to see where we could cut out even a few dollars - by doing something as simple as paying car insurance twice a year instead of every month, we found we could save $12 per year, we were able to cut a chunk out of our electrical bill by unplugging things and turning lights out when we left the room, we checked email at work and at the library instead of paying for a home internet connection, we took quick showers to save water, we walked everywhere we could (to church, the grocery store, etc) to save money on gas. Not huge amounts of money, I know, but when you find say 10 or so ways to cut $12 per year, it does start to add up to a good size savings! We started by putting just the bare necessities on the budget and then added a $25 per month "entertainment/date" fund and $20 each spending money. Our food budget was $150 per month and our clothes budget $80 per year. We both love a good challenge and sticking to our budget sure was one! We had fun. We discovered tons of free stuff we could do for dates - we went on lots of long walks together and talked! We never felt deprived in the slightest.

I worked for a chiropractor full time at the front desk, and doing insurance claims, and Don worked for an architecture firm. We lived on my income, and his income went completely towards paying off debt. It was fun watching our debt going down, down, down and in Sept, 2006, just 17 months after getting married we sent in the last check. Out of debt! That first paycheck Don got after paying off his education was such an amazing feeling for both of us. Just a month later, we started our adoption fund, and were thrilled to find we were expecting our first baby! God gave us 12 precious weeks with our first little one, Autumn Joy, growing inside me and then she went to live with Him on Nov 18th. Can't wait to hold that little one in Heaven someday! On Feb. 14, we found we were expecting our second little one, and in Oct our precious Abigail joined our family. I had quit my job at the chiropractor in January for various reasons, and started working part-time throughout my pregnancy with Aba at a Christian bookstore. I was still able to drop Don off at work and pick him up on the days I worked, and on the days I didn't work, he took public transportation, which was cheaper than paying parking. We stuck with our same, strict budget and put all the extra we made in savings. When Abigail arrived, I was officially a stay-at-home mama!

When Abigail was 11 months old, I started getting the 'baby bug' again. We had talked about having two children by birth before adopting (adoption had been on both our hearts for many years, but that is a different story) so as to get some parenting under our belt, but I felt a strange sense of urgency, like the Lord was saying "if you don't adopt now you are going to miss one of the children I have planned for you". We decided to go to an adoption orientation at All God's Children International, an adoption agency that had been recommended by one of the patients at the Chiropractor I worked for. We went to the orientation session in Sept 2008 and the next day left for a two week camping/road trip to the California Redwoods. On that trip we read Jan Beazley's The Strength of Mercy and spent a lot of time praying together about God's plan for our family. When we got home, we celebrated Abigail's first birthday and signed a contract with AGCI to adopt from Ethiopia. We had in savings, just enough for the first big fee $10,000, but beyond that did not know how God planned to bring the money. All we knew was that He had a child already chosen to be part of our family and we needed to step out in faith to bring her home.

Our budget during those first few months of the adoption process was similar to what it had been during Abigail's first 11 months of life - we lived on Don's income, and had a little extra to put in savings every month. When we started the adoption process here is what our monthly budget looked like. Stop reading here, if you feel uncomfortable reading the nitty-gritty details of someones income and expendetures:

Don made $3358.33 gross pay per month. Just enough for us to qualify for the Ethopia adoption program to add a fourth member to our family. After deducting taxes, and $413.oo for Abigail's and my medical insurance every month, we had $2368.69 to work with in a month. Here is how we spent it:

Tithes and Offerings: $350-$400
Mortgage: $542.35 (we bought right before the prices skyrocketed....so thankful to have the smallest mortgage payment in Portland!)
Utilities, including cell phones (we got the most basic plan possible, and don't have a land line): $300 per month
Clothing: $10
Food (and other necessities like TP, cleaning supplies, laundry soap, diapers etc): $175 (went up from $150 when Abigail was born)
Life Insurance (paid annually to save monthly handling fee): $48
Car insurance (paid bi-annually to save monthly handling fee): $55
Gas for car and money put in savings for car emergencies: $150
Entertainment: $5
Incidental Expenses: $95
Spending Money: $20 x 2 = $40 per month

The rest, would go in savings and towards our adoption.

And then, in Feb, right after we submitted our dossier, Don was laid off from his job. Without income, AGCI could not let us move forward with our adoption. I felt like I was having another misscarriage, but this time, THIS time, it was just about money. Money was causing us to lose our baby......and there HAD to be something we could do about it. Collecting unemployment was out of the question, as USCIS would not approve a family collecting unemployment. Don started looking for work he could do from home and found a few families that needed drawings for remodel jobs. The owner of the little cloth diaper store where we bought Abigail's diapers randomly offered me a part-time job that would allow Abigail to come to work with me. We prayed. We cried. We met with AGCI and begged them to let us move forward on what little income we could come up with. And God said yes. Three months after Don was laid off, we were put on the waitlist to bring our daughter home.

Our income at that point fluctuated very much by what Don could find and bring in each month. Some months, he made $400 - some months $1000. He applied to many, many places and no doors opened for a full time job. We DID make enough to satisfy USCIS, but the average amount we actually had in hand (that we could count on to be there every month) to spend on bills was roughly $1200. To keep moving forward with our adoption, we had to carry Cobra insurance coverage and that with our mortgage, and utilities pretty much wiped out our income! Not only did we have bills to pay, we had an adoption to fund! We discovered that what we had thought was living on a super tight budget was actually quite comfortable living!

With Don working from home, we had some added expenses - to obtain and to be accessable to clients, we really needed to have internet at home. We needed more minutes on our cell phone plan. We cut our food/household expenses budget to $100 a month. We started hanging our laundry to dry instead of using the drier as much as possible. We prayed for God's provision.

I still don't know how God made the money add up. God blessed us so much and every single one of our bills was paid on time. We always had a little extra to give. Somehow, we ended our adoption with money in savings instead of being in debt.

For all of you out there looking to save money - whether you want to adopt, or whether you want to free up money to give to other families adopting, or to orphan/widow care, etc, or if you are in debt and want to get out of it, here are a few words of advice and some of the ways we have saved money.

The easiest way to save money, is to not spend it. Just don't. If you don't absolutely need something, don't buy it. Sounds simple, but it's harder than it sounds. Especially when whatever is on a really good sale!

Ideas along this line?

Don't spend money on anything to drink. Water is basically free and good for you. Sure it's cheaper to make coffee at home instead of buying it at Starbucks, but it's even cheaper not to drink it at all! And yes, you can stop drinking coffee or tea or soda. After the first 30 days you will hardly even miss it. I promise....we've done it!

Learn to cut hair (really, it's not that hard!)or just don't cut it at all - I cut Don's, and the girls and I don't cut ours at all.

Skip the makeup. Really - God made you to be beautiful without it.

Cloth diaper! You'll save a ton. I don't care what some people say about it costing the same as disposables. It doesn't (unless you don't wash your own and use a diaper service - in that case, it does cost the same). And it's totally not gross! We bought many of ours used, and have actually ended up diapering the girls for free by selling some of the diapers that didn't work for us for more than we paid for them - off-setting the price of the ones we kept. While you're at it, switch to cloth menstrual pads or if you're a tampon user, switch to a cup (Keeper or Lunette) - also not gross, although I was skeptical at first! If you're really brave, switch to family cloth - SO not gross! Feel free to email me if you have questions about any of this stuff - going into too much detail would mean this super long blog post is even super-longerer. :)

Don't eat out. At least, not often. When you do eat out - don't order drinks or appetizers, and go somewhere you can find a coupon for! If you can't find a coupon, go somewhere with decent sized portions so you can split. If you have kids already, check out which local restaurants have kids-eat-free options.

Clothes and shoes...when it comes to clothes, there are SO many ways to save money. One of the best, is to wear what you have until you wear it out. Host a clothing swap among your friends to get rid of what you don't like and get some new stuff for free. Shop at discount stores like Ross, or thrift stores and garage sales. I always keep a look out for clothes or shoes I can sell on Craigslist or Ebay. Here in Portland, we have a store called Next Adventure that sells hiking and camping gear, as well as athletic-type clothes and shoes. They take used gear for store credit, so when I shop at garage sales, I'm always looking for something cheap I can take there (ski gear, camping stuff, hiking boots) - I can usually get $10-$20 credit for every dollar I spend. Then if the girls or Don needs shoes, winter coats, etc. We have credit to buy them for a fraction of the cost of using cash. Whenever I buy clothes for the girls (at thrift stores, garage sales, etc) I pick up a few extra outfits I can sell on Ebay. The stuff I sell on Ebay (or Craigslist, or the consignment shop) pays for what we keep and gives us money to buy a brand new outfit every once in awhile (on clearance, of course!). In this way, I've been able to clothe them both for free! We also do hand-me-ups and hand-me-downs with close friends, which has been a huge blessing!

Barter! Use Craigslist to barter for things you need instead of buying! We needed our garden tilled, and since we don't have a tiller, it would have cost $50 to get it tilled. I posted on Craigslist that I had misc stuff to trade for rototilling and got it tilled for a pair of shoes that, while worth $100, I had paid only $10 fo at Goodwill. The guy who got them was thrilled at the deal and so was I! (We've gotten our garden tilled two years in a row by barter). I could have dug the garden instead of tilling it, but I know from experience that I'll get a better harvest by having it tilled.

Oh, and by the way - grow a garden!!! Glean, can, and freeze food for the winter! We've canned applesauce the last few years from apples we got for free from a friend's tree - another local farmer we made friends with sold us windfall apples for $0.10 lb last year.

Eat oatmeal for dinner. A lot. :) Did you know that polenta is very filling and you use one cup of polenta to 4-5 cups of water or broth and it makes a delicious, inexpensive meal for 3-4 with a little spaghetti sauce on top!

One of the most important pieces of advice I can give you, is that when you are budgeting, scrimping, saving, for your adoption or whatever....do not forget to GIVE. No matter how little you have, you will ALWAYS have enough to give. And it doesn't have to be money. When you find a good deal on canned tomatoes - pick up extra for the food bank. Give your time by volunteering at local shelters, outreaches or retirement centers. Offer to do child care for free for a friend at church so she can go on a date with her husband or just have a few hours to herself. When your garden is bountiful, and your shelves filled with canned applesauce, give some away to your friend who is adopting, or whose husband just got laid off. Support an adoption fundraiser - as much as I'd like to, we haven't had the money to buy other friend's adoption t-shirts + shipping, but we could support their adoption monetarily by sending the amount we knew they were making on one T-shirt (usually on a $25 t-shirt the family only gets about $15 towards their adoption - by sending them $15, you will help them just as much as if you'd spent $25!). Don't have the $15? Is there something sitting around your house or garage that you're not using? How 'bout that extra (fill in the blank) that's been sitting around for ages? Sell it on Craigslist! Have a fundraising garage sale and split the money with another adopting family.

Oh, and fundraising. We paid for much of our adoption by fundraising. We had good response from sending out support letters ( please don't ask your friends to sacrifice their hard earned money without first making some sacrifices yourself!) I was humbled and amazed by the generosity of our friends - I will be forever thankful for the extreme generosity we were the recipients of and the love and friendship that brought our daughter home, we put donation jars in local coffee shops, made stuff to sell, sold stuff on Craigslist and Ebay, and had multiple garage sales. When we sent out our support letter, we did ask for money, but also knowing many of our friends are as strapped financially as we were, we gave other suggestions - donate unwanted stuff to our garage sale for one! One dear friend went to her ladies Bible study group and each of them cleaned their garages and houses out, giving us TONS of great stuff for our garage sales. Whenever we would go pick up a donation of yard saleable stuff, we would sort through it and separate all the really good stuff to sell on Craigslist or Ebay. It was a lot of work, but then, isn't THIS worth all that work and more?

The only reason I share this in so much detail, is because I know how discouraging it can be when you want to adopt and financially it looks like it would never work. But friend, believe me - if God wants you to adopt, He WILL provide the money. HE owns the cattle on the hills....HE sees every sparrow that falls - every child without a family. He knows where your child is and how much money it will take to bring them home.

Money is so overated.

Awhile back I asked Abigail if she knew what money was for - she though for a minute and then said: "Sometimes we use it to buy stuff. But mostly, money is to give away." Very wise words for a three year old, and what I truly believe is the key to financial security. The key that is getting lost all too often in the materialistic society we live in.

We ARE still out here.....

2011-05-31T14:31:00.001-07:00

Woohoo! She's TWO!

May 13th, we celebrated Bethlehem's second birthday. She was thrilled to receive, among other things, her first pair of scissors.
Playing on the sidewalk in front of our house....

in style!

These girls are so precious to me! My heart is so full of love for my daughters. I am such a blessed mama!

Well, it has been an all-time record length of time since I blog posted. So much has gone on, and I do hope to catch up one of these days, but for now, I will keep it short. :) I had planned, back in February to post about the lovely time Bethlehem and I had at the Created for Care retreat in GA - and of the many friends we'd made through blogs and email that we finally met in person - it was so much fun and such a blessing to be able to go. The highlight of the trip was watching Bete play with E, who was at Hannah's Hope with her in Ethiopia and meeting E's mama, my dear friend M! Anyway....I PLAN to post some pics from that trip soon....but then, I planned to post them sooner and I haven't, so who knows?!

We recently traveled to Bend to join in my cousin Ruby's wedding festivities. While there, many people commented on how much more secure and comfortable Bete was in our family than she had been in the past, and as I reflected on it, I realized how very true it was. Our little one has come so far. I am so thankful that God put us on this adoption adventure and made Bethlehem our daughter.

One moment during our trip sticks out in my mind and is so beautiful to this mama's heart that my eyes fill with tears just thinking about it. It may sound common place and un-special to some of you, but to those of you that have traveled this adoption/attachment road you will know why it is so special. I don't even remember when it happened, but we were in a fairly large group of people Bethlehem had never met before, and she and I somehow got seperated - I could still see her, but she couldn't see me and I decided to see what she would do. It took her just a few seconds to realize that mama was not right next to her. A look of concern came across her little face - not panic, just concern. She tipped her little head back and started tracking faces - as she surveyed the sea of faces around her and didn't find a familiar one, her look of concern deepened, but still, no panic. Then, our eyes met. A huge smile broke across her face and she dashed over and threw her arms around me in a big hug. "I found you, Mama!" she said triumphantly and hopped back down to play on the floor.

It was such a simple moment - but such a big reminder of how far our sweet baby has come. She was so secure in her approach to finding me - she didn't panic or get upset. She KNEW I was there and she calmly went about finding me. Once she did find me, she didn't cling - she just was happy to again be next to me, and was pretty much instantly ready to get down and continue playing at my feet. We have come far in our journey of attachment - and still have farther to go. But her attachment has a good foundation and her sense of security grows stronger as time goes by. Precious girl! The Lord is slowly healing your heart and binding it with his love. Your mama and daddy are so proud of you!

Okay - that's all for now. My girls need me! :)

Regrets

2011-01-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

The adoption journey, like so many of life's journeys is filled with SO many emotions - ups and downs, tears and laughter, struggles and prayers. I have been thinking lately specifically about regrets. I have to admit, that I do have some, and while they are in the past and I don't want to dwell on them, I do want to learn from them. I pray that many of you on similar journeys will not have the same ones I do.

There are also many, many things I don't regret. I don't regret (although I did at the time) that AGCI wouldn't allow us to go on both the boy and the girl list because of our house size. At the time, it didn't make sense to me and I was very frustrated - we did not care what the gender of our child was, and there was, at the time a greater need for families to adopt boys. But God already knew about our Bete.

I don't regret that Don was laid off in the middle of the adoption process (although I did at the time). We had submitted all our paperwork and were waiting for wait list numbers. It was almost the termination of our adoption journey, and I cried many tears in the three months before we were allowed, only by God's grace, to move forward. God already knew about our Bete.

I don't regret for a moment the spunky, joyful girl God chose for our family. He DID know about our Bete and orchestrated many events that we didn't understand to make her part of our family.

But I do have regrets. I regret not trusting God more. I regret the anxieties I often let overwhelm me instead of resting in the knowledge that He truly DOES know best and has perfect timing. I regret the fear that I dwelt on too much - fears that the country would close down, fears that we would do all this work and end up not bringing a child home, fears that IF we did bring a child home I would be unable to be the mama she needed and we wouldn't bond 'right'. I regret minimizing my fear and lack of trust as 'normal' and that 'hey, I'm only human, anyone else would feel this way too'. I regret the times that instead of taking my burdens of fear, stress and anxiety to Jesus I carried them around with me for days before remembering that He was waiting for me to hand them off to Him and say "I trust you enough to let you take this - even though I don't know the what, when or why."

I'm not saying it is not okay to have fears....but it is NOT okay to not let Jesus calm your fears and trust Him to take care of whatever you're fearful about. I'm not saying it is not normal to have anxiety and to worry.....I'm saying it is NOT okay to let those anxieties and worries rule your life. To not REALLY trust God. God knows us, and understands us better than any person ever could - He knows that a mama's heart is intertwined with her child - He made us to be that way. He made us to long for our child, to ache for them when we are apart. He made us to be nurturers. But He also made us to depend on Him and to trust Him to take care of our children. I often thought during the process after Bete was referred to us "I'm sure glad Jesus is taking care of her while I can't". As if somehow me being with her and taking care of her would mean He didn't need to???? I want Him to take care of her when I can too.....because He does such a better job and without Him, I just can't be a good mama to my precious little ones that HE entrusted to my care.

My children are His, not mine. And I need to remind myself daily of that fact. Life is so much easier and joy filled when I do and I sure don't want to keep racking up the regrets!

One Year Ago Today......

2011-01-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

One year ago today our precious daughter, Bethlehem, was placed in my arms. I have been thinking so much about that day - the feelings of excitement, joy, and fear. Thinking about how blessed we were to be entrusted with the care of this child. And remembering how I prayed for the Lord to give me wisdom and to make me the mama she needed to see her through the pain and fear of yet another major life transition. He did. With His help, we have seen our daughter go from a terrified, insecure baby, to a toddler who gains trust and confidence every day.

One year. A very short amount of time if you really think about it. I used to look at the blogs of mamas who had been home a year and think about what experts they were....and now here I am at one year home and I sure don't feel like an expert!!!

Today we celebrated Bethlehem. We celebrated the last 365 days that she has been in our arms (and she literally hasn't gone far from my arms in the last year!). She has brought so much richness into our lives. Here are some pictures of that day, one year ago - and then some pictures from today.

Our first glimpse of her - lying in her special mother's arms, having a bottle, relaxing - not realizing her little world was about to be turned upside down. Again. (Just fyi - bottle/nap time is NOT the ideal time to meet your new baby IF it has a personality anything like Bete's) :)

There she was. My arms had ached to hold her for SO long. And she was right there in front of me! Oh precious, precious baby!

This is your mama.

You have GOT to be kidding me! THAT is NOT my MAMA!

She was so scared, it broke my heart. She didn't know me - didn't know that I'd been praying for her, waiting for her, LONGING for her for the past 14 months. All she knew was one minute she was snuggling in the familiar arms of her special mother, drinking her bottle and the next she was passed off to a stranger. She didn't want to calm down, she didn't want to be fed a bottle by some strange lady - she wanted her special mother. So her special mother took her back, calmed her down, and got her almost to sleep before slipping her back in my arms. She fussed sleepily a little, then slept.

Together at last.

I couldn't stop staring at her! She was beautiful!

The little one I had prayed for so long was finally home in my arms.

The clothes she came with were huge - like 3 times too big for her. Just for fun, I dug them out today, squeezed her into them and put on the brown shirt I wore that day, one year ago.

Such a big girl now!

Daddy still Rocks!

Mama snuggle!

Now she cries if I don't hold her.....not when I do! :)

Aba and Tiny, loved celebrating Bete Day!

For Bete Day, I decided to let her choose what we would have for breakfast. She chose pumpkin muffins and after making and consuming some of them, we took the remainder, along with some cookies and chocolate to AGCI and visited with all the wonderful ladies there, especially our case manager, Christy. It was fun to see them all and show them how much Bete has grown in the past year!

Then we headed to Coldstone Creamery to use our free, no-purchase-necessary coupons we got a few days ago.

Waiting patiently!

Notice Abigail's mouth in this picture. This is how she usually takes bites.

Bete doesn't do anything half way. Not even little things like taking bites. This girl throws herself heart and soul into everything she does - I love it! (Except when it's a tantrum) :)

She takes bites like this......

Or like this.....

Or like this.

All done!!! That was yummy!!!

After running laps around the ice cream shop for awhile, we headed out for a snack at another place we had coupons for. :) It was a fun, quiet, family day, that ended with meeting my family at Ikea for a quick dinner before we headed to NCO where we volunteer every Monday night. A perfect day celebrating Bete!

We are so blessed. I thank the Lord for the last year He has given us. I thank Him for the hard times, the good times, the nights where I've slept for 10 hours straight, and the sleepless nights, the joys, the laughter, the tears, the lessons in love and the lessons in being less selfish. I thank Him for this little girl, the little one He gave into our charge just one year ago today, the little one who is already so passionate about Him and loves to sing "Jesus Songs" at the top of her voice (which is quite loud) ;). I thank Him for the sense of humour He gave her and the tenacity and strength I see in her character that will have her following Him even if her friends/the people around her don't. I thank Him for the wisdom He has given us this year in helping her deal with her grief/anger/fear from the huge losses and transitions she has had in her short life. (And I know He will continue to give us wisdom with this in the years ahead). I thank Him for helping us build a strong foundation for her bonding and attachment to us and us to her, and I know He will continue to show us how to grow and strengthen this bond in the years ahead. I thank Him for the grace He has shown me every day this year as I try and fall short of being the "perfect mom".

I thank Him for Bethlehem. My daughter.

Patterns for Sewing Pads

2011-01-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

I've had a few people recently ask me for patterns for pads and wanted to do a quick post for anyone who wants to make some for themselves, or join in making them for others!

Here is a link to the pattern we've been using most often for the kits we've been sending overseas:
http://growlearngiveprogram.blogspot.com/p/sewing-instructions.html

And then links to a few more websites with patterns that I've either tried or plan to try!
http://manymoonsalternatives.com/make_your_own_pads.php
http://sites.google.com/site/shewhorunsintheforest/
http://theuncommoncrafter.blogspot.com/2008/06/menstrual-pad-tutorial.html

I also have a really great tutorial that one of the lovely ladies who joined the sewing project to send pads to Africa came up with - if anyone wants me to email it to them drop me a note with your email address!

And if you want to buy some:

Domino pads are SUPER! See previous post for my take on these. My favorites!
http://www.dominopads.com/

I've never actually used Luna Pads, but I love their company - besides just selling pads to the general public for personal use, they have a "Pads for Girls" program that allows you to buy cloth menstrual pads at cost for several different programs in Africa.
http://lunapads.com/

Colleen at Royal Buns makes custom cloth menstrual pads at very affordable prices. You won't see them on the website, but drop her an email through the contact button and she can give you more info! She made 75 night-time pads for only $2 each for the "It's a Girl Thing Project". If you've ever checked into buying cloth pads, you'll know what a SUPER deal she gave us on them! I love her wool soakers too!
http://hyenacart.com/royalbuns/

There are many other cloth menstrual pad companies and many free patterns out there - this is just a small sampling, and somewhere to start.

When we started cloth diapering, I thought - "well, I really like cloth diapers (and the money they save), but I'd NEVER use cloth menstrual pads - that's just GROSS". And then I saw how comfy the cloth diapers looked and felt next to disposable diapers and thought "Wow! Maybe cloth pads wouldn't be as gross as I thought". And it wasn't - actually, it wasn't gross at all. I like them 10x better than disposables!

Another great alternative to cloth pads (especially for tampon users) is the menstrual cup. I recently got one and am really liking it. You can find them at both Domino Pads and Luna Pads or at thekeeper.com

Okay, enough about pads for awhile.....pictures of cute little girls to follow shortly. :)

Pad Project Update and a Shout Out for Domino Pads!

2010-12-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post an update on the cloth menstrual pad project for girls in Ethiopia and Zambia that many of you have been sewing faithfully on, and am excited to share a few recent pictures with you! We haven't received much news from Ethiopia, other than that the girls received their kits and are using them, but Andrea, who joined me in heading up the pad project, emailed me today with news about the pads delivered in Zambia, along with pictures and a wonderful report from her sister who is in Zambia right now!!! Visit Andrea's blog here.

"We then headed back to Sinia campus where we were greeted by the ladies who attend Wiphan's Skills Training program. They had been told about the "It's a Girl Thing Project" and even though they were also told we would not arrive until 1 pm- most of them arrived at 8 am. I asked Elizabeth why they came so early.... she said, "They were just too excited!". As we talked about them, gave them instructions for use and for cleaning them... they danced and sang and praised God for his provisions. Humbling to say the least... When's the last time you praised God for your maxi-pad? BUT to these ladies, these gifts are life-changing. They can leave their homes during that time of their cycle- they can work, go to school, and be kept safe from infection. These are the things we take for granted that we truly rarely think about. Toilet paper, tampons:), soap & running water... here is one sweet face and her kit!"

A lesson on how to use the pads.

Waiting in line to be issued a kit.

Getting this update really made my day!
I have had several people ask if we are still collecting pads and the answer is YES! We are currently sewing pads for a group of 38 women in Kenya and also working together to supply kits for roughly 190 women in Guatemala City, Guatemala! So if you haven't joined in on the sewing and would like to, let me know!!!

Here is a picture of my two helpers putting panties in kits for Kenya!

I also wanted to give a shout out for my favorite cloth menstrual pad company, Domino Pads. Karin, who owns the company (and sews the pads), offered to give us a large discount on any pads we purchased for the project. I had originally hoped to purchase some from her so we could put at least one in each kit (they are LOVELY pads - the kind that I use myself every month!), but due to how many kits we were making it unfortunatley wasn't affordable.

Karin emailed me recently to tell me that she was sending me some pads to send with the next bunch of kits going over (these will be going to Kenya) and just a few days later I received these lovely pads in the mail. The ones she sent us are made with Minkee fabric, and I defy you to find any menstrual pad more beautiful! :) She sent me Minkee ones because they dry quickly and don't stain - perfect for our sisters in Africa! Thank you Karin for your thoughtfulness!!!! If any of you are wanting to save money a bundle of money on menstrual supplies, I would highly recommend checking Domino Pads out!!! I'll never be going back to disposables!

Thank you everyone who has helped with this project!!! Such a blessing!!!

Merry Christmas...We're Still Here!!!!

2010-12-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

Guess what? We're still here!!! I have been bad about updating the blog, I admit. We've been busy, and I've been trying to spend less time online. I've been enjoying this holiday season with my girls SO much! Both Abigail and Bethlehem are growing and learning and changing so much. They are so precious! They are also waiting for me to finish this blog post and read them a book, so I'll try to be quick....

Recently I have noticed a look very frequently on my girls' faces - it is called JOY. I happen to love that look.....they take joy in the simplest things.

Enjoying books and snuggles with daddy!

Doing the pajama Dance!

And decorating the Christmas tree.....

This year, we had the most beautiful tree ever to grace our home. And it is special. Not just because it is beautiful, but because of the love and friendship that brought it to our house. Last year, Christmas was wonderful and hard all at the same time. We had hoped to be in Ethiopia, meeting our sweet Bete, but found out that we would have to wait another couple weeks for an embassy date. Don was laid off from his job in Feb '09, and still had not found full-time work, so with adoption expenses, plus normal bills, money was extremely tight. We decided on a $3 budget for Christmas. Yep, $3 - one dollar per family member except Bete since she was in Ethiopia and wouldn't realize she didn't get a present. Needless to say, we didn't have a tree that year.....but we reveled in the joy of the Christmas Child, the precious gift of Jesus - and Christmas had never been better.

This Christmas was even better. With Don still not working full time, we decided to get a tree, but to wait until a few days before Christmas to get one....when they went on sale for $5 at local Christmas tree lots - either that or watch for a 'runt' tree - or as I jokingly called it a 'scratch and dent' tree - one of those lopsided ones that that made it to the lot somehow, but shouldn't have. One day in early Dec, we were volunteering at NCO and the subject of Christmas trees came up - the next thing we knew, the most GORGEOUS noble fir was hand delivered to our house by one of our sweet co-volunteers and her husband - fresh cut from, I think they said, a relatives Christmas tree lot. They also brought cute snowmen and santa hats for the girls and some christmas ornaments. You have never seen two girls happier!

Decorating the tree!

Looking cute and having fun!

See that little ornament on the right??? A special gift from our friend Amy over at Filled With Praise. It is in the shape of Africa and says "Bethlehem, Home Jan 2010" on it. Amy's son is from the same orphanage that Bethlehem was in in Ethiopia, adopted through the same agency! One of the huge blessings this Christmas was getting to celebrate our first Christmas with Bethlehem home! She was so cute - thought all the songs with the word 'Bethlehem' in them were about her! "A song about Bete!" she would say excitedly....and then as another came on "look, mama, 'ook! Another song about Bete!"

Christmas tree decorating crew.....how I love those three!

All done and ready for snacks!

Abigail's FIRST Christmas tree!

And Bete's FIRST American Christmas!

Have I mentioned I'm pretty crazy about my girls??? This pic was taken mid-Dec and I just threw it in because I thought it was cute. :)

Christmas morning, and Aba was up and ready for church......

So was Bete......

Why is it so hard to get a good pic of them both together???

To start the day, we read The Nativity together.

Sister tickle!

Then it was time to open stockings. This year, for the girls, we did 'old-fashioned' stocking gifts. We filled them each a stocking - in the toe of each, an orange (they LOVE oranges), a few chocolate coins, some fruit leather, a couple small trinkets from Swapnplay, then some stuff that they needed that we would have bought anyway, had it not been Christmas - conditioner for Bete, panties for Aba, toothpaste, etc. You would never have seen two girls happier with their gifts. They stopped to inspect and play with each item before moving onto the next. Bethlehem excitedly put her new conditioner in her hair basket, and Abigail wanted to try on her new panties.

Bete and her first Christmas stocking!

After breakfast, we headed out to church to celebrate Jesus birth praising and worshiping Him! The girls joined their grandma singing "Happy Birthday, Dear Jesus!" and playing the Glockenspeils.

Then it was home for a nap for Bete, building a puzzle for Aba, and soon, time to head to my parents for dinner. It was a wonderful day - with fun, family and friends - but most of all, with Jesus, the ONE we were celebrating. Toward the end of the day, Abigail said "I'm glad Jesus was born". Me too, Baby, so, very, very glad.

We hope you also had a wonderful Christmas, reveling in the joy of our Saviour's birth!

Merry Christmas!!! :)

A Bed of Her Own

2010-11-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

My daughter was sad. She wanted a bed, a bed of her very own. And being a good American parent, I knew that I must get her what she needed. Because in America, it is a well known fact, that if you want something, it automatically becomes a need and what is a parent for, if not to fullfil the needs in a child life. And my daughter needed a bed of her own. Until she had one, she would never be happy. She would look like this.

All she needed to be happy was a bed....a pink bed. But if she had a bed of her own, her sister would also need a bed of her own.

So every night, I tenderly tuck my daughters into their beds.

Make sure they are mostly covered up by a blanket.

Tuck the blanket up tight.

But are they happy?? No. They don't want covers. They say the beds are too small - too short - too hard.

They try to climb out.

Daddy has to come help keep them in bed.

They get back in bed - but sit instead of lying down, and then grin mischevously at me as if to say "see mama...we're in bed like you told us to be - but no one said we had to be in the right way".

And at times like that they do look genuinely happy.

So I guess that means we're doing the right thing.

Bete still complains of a sore neck almost every morning, but we got her the bed she wanted.....she really shouldn't complain.

Kids, after all, always know what is best for themselves.

In real life, there are actually two beds in our house - according to Abigail, there is "Aba's bed" (a twin sized bed with a bed rail so she doesn't fall out) and "our bed" (the queen sized bed with co-sleeper that mommy, daddy, Bete occupy for the night and Abigail occupies from about 5 am until it's time to get up). We like having it this way. Bethlehem is not ready to have a bed of her own - she still wakes up needing mama snuggles and reassurances some nights, although not nearly as often as she did in her first 6 months home. It is becoming a couple times a week thing instead of numerous times a night. Co-sleeping has done great things for our attachment and bonding - not just for her, for me too. Do I always sleep as well as I would if she was in a bed of her own?? Probably not.....but life is not about getting the best night's sleep possible. Is it?

How I love my baby girls!

Oh, and by the way - the first picture....the one where Bete is (really) crying. That was actually the last picture taken. She wasn't done playing in the little, pink bed and it was time for her to go to her real bed - so I took her out and put it away.....she has such a mean mama. :)

10 Months

2010-11-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

Ten months ago today was our embassy day. Our little Bete had been placed in our arms the day before - a very sad, scared, little one. It seems almost surreal that it has already been 10 months - but in many ways it seems like she has been part of our family forever.

10 months ago - our first breakfast together in the hotel restaurant. She was so, so scared. We had yet to see her gorgeous smile. Look at the fear on her little face - it makes me cry just looking at it and remembering. I was the least scary object available (though still unfamiliar and scary), so she clung to me.

Sleeping after we got back from the embassy. Sleep was her retreat from the scary things going on around her. The new people, the new places, the new sounds.

These two have become sisters in every sense of the word. LOVE it! They bug each other to death and love each other like crazy. Just today, Abigail walked up to Bete, cupped her face gently in both hands and said "Bete, you are the most precious Bete in the whole world".

Just had to pop this shot in because I LOVE how the curls along her neckline are a little tighter than on the top. They are SO cute. :)

We get to see this smile every day.

Such a joy, such a blessing.

She's starting to trust me with her hair and even asks me to put bows in it some days.

Jumping on the 'jumping spents'.

The fear is completely gone from her eyes - and though it does still appear some days, more often than not she runs to me for comfort (and if she doesn't run to me for comfort I pick her up and comfort her anyway) and it quickly goes away.

Oh, Bethlehem! We are so blessed to have you for our daughter! It is such an honour to be your mama and I love you with all my heart!

Hair and Skin Care

2010-11-09T12:22:00.001-08:00

Some people say.......

but we find we need a little something more.

Here is what we've been doing since Bete arrived home almost 10 months ago! I have to say that I just LOVE Bethlehem's hair. It has been so fun to try different products and figure out what works best for her - and I'm still learning and trying new things. It seems like every time I think I've found the perfect routine or product that her hair changes (or the weather) and she needs things a little different.

I wasn't sure what was best to take with us to Ethiopia, but her hair had been shaved just over 2 months before, so I figured just taking something to add a little moisture would be safe. We were packing light, so I took a travel sized (1 oz) container of Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil that I already had on hand. The oil is basically just apricot kernel oil and grapeseed oil with a few extracts to make it smell yummy. I used it on both her hair and her skin and I noticed both softened up right away (her hair was a bit coarse and her skin a little chapped (on her cheeks especially) when she was first placed in our arms). At Hannah's Hope I noticed they had Johnson & Johnson baby oil they were using on the babies, and since this is primarily mineral oil, I was not surprised to notice an immediate improvement. As well as it worked in country, I knew it was not our long term solution for hair and skin care.

While we were waiting between referral and travel, I purchased some different oils (grapeseed, neem, shea nut, coconut, jojoba) and butters (shea and cocoa) to make some of my own products. For hair, I made a blend of shea butter, coconut oil, and jojoba oil, and for skin a blend of shea butter, coconut oil, and then adding cocoa butter or shea nut oil, or grapeseed oil, or whatever I feel like adding on that particular day. I made small batches and changed the amounts and ingredients frequently.

I also purchased:
Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose conditioner for dry brittle hair
(From Amazon when I saw a good sale ($7) with $0.99 shipping)
Aubrey Organics Island Naturals Replenishing Shampoo for dry frizzy hair
(from Goodwill of all places! $.99 for an unopened bottle)
Alaffia Virgin Coconut & Shea Enriching Hair Lotion for curly hair
(Whole Foods $8.99 - yay for gift cards!)
Alaffia Shea & Virgin Coconut Enriching Shampoo for curly hair
(Travel size $2.99)
Curly Q Milkshake
(Amazon on sale ($8) with free shipping)

For a daily hair spritz leave-in/detangler, I used distilled water and about 1 Tbls of either the Honeysuckle Rose Conditioner, or the Alaffia Hair Lotion and shake it all up in a spray bottle.

At this point, I stepped back to consider the fact I'd spent far more than the $5 expenditure for buying one small bottle of natural baby shampoo for Abigail when she was born 2.5 years before. We are actually still using that same bottle and are only .25 of the way through the bottle. I only wash her hair once a week and only use shampoo if she's gotten something really messy in her hair. I've only used soap on her 3-4 times in her entire 3 years. (I read an article when Abigail was still inside me about how most baby hygiene products were unnecessary as are every day baths - and I have found that to be so true!) Curly hair and dry skin is a whole different ball game! I found I was really enjoying having a different hair/skin texture to take care of.

Interesting challenge #1: One thing I didn't think about was that when I started rubbing oils and lotions into Bethlehem's skin and hair Abigail would want me to do the same to her! So after I rubbed Bete down for her daily massage (first 4 months home), I would do the same for Abigail - and just 'pretend' when we got to her hair. :) I made a spritz bottle with plain water in it to spritz Abigial's hair with after I spritzed Bete's with leave-in conditioner/detangler (if she asked for some). At the same time, I would also explain how her and Bete's skin and hair is different and that Bethlehem's hair and skin need different care than Abigail's.

For the first few months our daily hair routine went something like this:

Morning: Spritz with leave-in/detangler, add Alaffia hair lotion, or Curly Q Milkshake, or homemade hair butter. (I would use one of these particular product exclusively between hair wash times so as not to have reactions/build up)

Afternoon: Usually after nap or riding in the car seat, which would make the back of her head all fuzzy, I would spritz with the leave-in stuff just to freshen her hair up a bit.

Night-time: Very small amount of coconut oil or home-made shea butter/coconut oil blend. Whatever I put on her hair at this point, I also rub a little on her face.

Every two or three days: Small amount of jojoba oil along hairline and rubbed into scalp.

Once a week: co-wash - wash her hair with conditioner instead of shampoo.

Once a month: Wash with shampoo and conditioner.

At this point, I didn't use a comb or anything but my fingers to do her hair. Her hair was pretty short and didn't get very tangled, and these tangles could be removed with my fingers.

Challenge #2: Bethlehem absolutely hated having me touch her hair. Didn't matter how gentle I was, she would scream and scream anytime I tried to do it. Enough so that I felt like it was damaging our attachment. It wasn't willful 'I don't like what you are doing so stop' kind of crying. It was screams that would turn into gut wrenching sobs that would go on for 30-40 minutes AFTER I was done doing her hair. And since the routine was pretty simple with no styling, it only took about 3-5 minutes a day to do her hair! I don't know what was causing this - was it because in Ethiopia she had her head shaved for a scalp IV and the scalp IV was super painful so she associates her hair being touched with pain?? I didn't know, and still don't. But what I did know was that my baby girl was hurting, we were both ending up in tears over hair time every morning, spending almost an hour cuddling and rocking after hair time every morning and it just wasn't working. Distractions, toys, singing, mirrors and snacks were not working. So I asked some of my other adoptive mama friends to pray. And when I did her hair every morning I prayed. And within a week things were 100 times better!!! She still doesn't LIKE having her hair done and has a VERY sensitive scalp. She cries when I wash her hair, and I have pretty much put styling on the back burner - but in the last few weeks, she has been asking me to style her hair! She will bring me a hair clip or a bow and ask me to put it in. She is MUCH more patient when I'm detangling her now-much-longer hair and she LOVES to look at herself in the mirror after I'm done!

As her hair has gotten longer and she is so much more active (getting her hair tangled more), I'm needing to make some changes. Curlz.biz was having a 20% off sale the other day and since I had some money leftover from Bete's baby shower, I decided to use it to buy the whole line and try that. My friend M's little girl R has VERY similar hair and this is what they use with great success - I'm excited to try and see how it works for us. I'm also starting to use a comb on her hair as well as finger detangling.

I think to date, my favorite purchased products are the Alaffia hair lotion and shampoo. If I had a boy with the same hair as Bete, but kept it short, I would probably use just those two products along with a spritz made from distilled water and the hair lotion and a little coconut oil at night. I like how the Honey Suckle Rose Conditioner works, but I find the smell VERY floral and VERY strong.

The product I have used the most is my homemade stuff - it is WAY cheaper than the others and very natural, which I like. I am going to work on perfecting it and am planning to try whipping it with some vegetable glycerin to make it a little more lotion like.

Skin wise, I really like what we are using (the homemade stuff) and her skin is very soft and smooth. The blend is solid at room temp, but dissolves into oil consistency in my hand - it absorbs very quickly and only stays oily on her skin for about 1 minute. A similar product that can be purchased is Shea Me Some Love from here .

I recently went into a local AA beauty salon/beauty supply shop to ask about products. The lady who helped me looked at Bete's hair and said "Why are you looking for something different? It looks like whatever you are using is working great!" Made me feel good! :)

Christmas Music and an Adoptive Family in Desperate Need of Funds!

2010-11-08T13:12:00.001-08:00

When we traveled to Ethiopia to get Bethlehem we were blessed to be able to meet and play with two precious little boys who now live in Tennessee. (adoptingsweetpea.blogspot.com) Their dad and mama have some friends who are in the process of adopting a 2-4 year old girl from Ethiopia, but due to lack of funds are in danger of having their adoption file closed by their adoption agency. The dad, who used to be in the band Audio Adrenaline made a Christmas cd and they are selling it on their blog for $10 + $2 shipping and handling. They need to sell 650 cds TODAY and have $4000 to give their agency tomorrow or their case will be closed. There are so many children in need of homes and it is heartbreaking to think that a family that is ready and willing to bring one into their family would not be able to just because they can't raise the money. Would you consider helping the Blair Family bring their daughter home?? If you aren't in need of Christmas music but would still like to help you can give a donation by clicking on the paypal button on their blog! Any amount would help!!!! Click here, or on the image of the Noel cd above to visit their blog! Please pray for them - that the Lord will bless their efforts and bring their daughter home!

As of this writing, they have sold 265 cds!!! 385 to go!!!

They made their goal!!! We heard last night that they sold 650+ cds in a little over 24 hours - they can now move forward to bring their little girl home!

One Year.....

2010-10-20T12:14:00.001-07:00

....since we got the CALL. One year since we first saw her precious face. One year since we found out her name. One year since I went from having a dream of adopting to having a daughter.

This was the first picture we saw of her.

She had been in the hospital with pneumonia and had her scalp shaved for an IV.

This is the oldest picture we have of her. It was taken the day she arrived at our agencies transition home and she was very sick, and very, very scared. She wasn't at Hannah's Hope long before being admitted to the hospital.

Today we celebrate the day you became part of our lives, Bethlehem. We love you so much!

Bethlehem Grace Selamawit
Oct. 20, 2010

Is this a good smile???

How 'bout this one?

This picture was taken on Abigail's birthday. It is one of my favorites of the two of them! The red striped pajamas have been Abigail's favorites since she started wearing them when she was right around Bete's age. She outgrew them a few months ago but has been squeezing into them - I suggested she pass them on to Bete and we replaced them with pink striped pajamas. They are big on Bete, but she LOVES them. When we first put them on her she just kept patting her chest in awe and saying "Aba, Aba" She didn't want to get dressed the next morning.

I'll try to post more pics we take today later on tonight! She's currently down for her morning nap!

Random Cuteness Because I'm Too Tired to Blog Anything Profound

2010-08-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

And just in case you were wondered.....that Uhaul box in the pictures - that is no ordinary cardboard box. That is a "jumping spent". To jump on. I know because Abigail told me. It has been used daily for jumping on by both girls for the last 4 + months. I love the creativity of children!

Another Project For Korah!

2010-08-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

My last post was about collecting mosquito nets to protect the sponsored children of Korah from malaria. THAT project was a huge success, and a HUGE thanks to everyone who helped. I am very excited about moving on to the next project and seeing what God will do next!!!

For those of you who are not familiar with Korah, here are a few facts:

Korah in Amharic means "cursed".
75 years ago the Ethiopian government moved everyone with leprosy to this area of Addis Ababa.
Approximately 100,000 people live in the slums of Korah - the "outcasts" of society.
The city dump is located in Korah.
The people, both adults and children, spend their days digging through the dump searching for anything to eat or sell.
God is alive and well in Korah thanks to Pastor Sammy Liben and Project 61 ministry. They have started an education sponsorship program for the children of Korah.

A while back, I was thinking about African girls and women living in poverty and wondering what they do when their monthly cycle comes around. And what I found out shocked me.

* ordinary woman are unable to afford basic sanitary protection.

* one pack of sanitary pads costs more than 50% of the average monthly wage for women.

* millions of African women are forced to replace tampons/pads with newspapers and dirty rags.

• this can lead to vaginal infections for which there is no available medication.

• these vaginal infections are often mistaken to be sexually transmitted infections leading to social embarrassment and domestic violence.

* wives and mothers are unable to work when they have their periods, further hindering already impoverished families.

* girls are forced to take time off school, further jeopardizing their education.

• because of the economic and cultural crises in Africa, its schools serve as more than academic centers. they provide community resources where young people receive basic care and services, such as food programs, clean water and counseling

Doesn't that just break your heart??? Can you imagine using a dirty newspaper as a tampon?? To most of us, even the thought is unfathomable. But this is a monthly REALITY for thousands of women and girls, not just in Africa, but around the world.

I have felt burdened and challenged to want to do more than I'm doing. To make a difference in other people's lives and show them God's love in every way I can. And this is such a basic need - something that is not too hard to do provide and it doesn't take a whole lot of money either!!!!

So a group of women and myself have decided to do something about it for the girls of Korah. Since pre-made pads can be very expensive, we are working together to sewing kits that will be delivered to Sumer with Project 61 in Ethiopia, and distributed to the 75 girls attending boarding school in Shashamane. A big thank you to the Red Tent Project for giving us your pattern!!!

BUT before we hardly got started with sewing, our project had expanded!!! We are getting such great response so far with women wanting to help us sew, that we decided to expand the vision. My friend Andrea is part of an organization that works with precious widows and orphans in Zambia - Wiphan. And we would like to provide kits for them too.

Each kit will contain approx:

10 re-usable pads
2 pairs of panties
a drawstring bag

Our goal is to make 300 kits. Yes, you heard right - 300 kits. 3000 pads.

Would you like to help??? Please email me ("send us an email" button on the side of blog right under our profile picture) to get the pattern for both the pads and the drawstring bag, and more information on other ways you can help!!!!

I would like to leave you with this thought provoking video that several of my friends have posted recently on their blogs and on Facebook.

Korah: Mission Malaria

2010-08-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

The beautiful people of Korah have been on my heart so much lately. Korah means 'cursed', it is a village by/in a garbage dump in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia - formerly a leper colony, it now is home to many adults and children. Can you imagine your child growing up in a garbage dump??? You can read more about Korah and the work going on there here on Project 61's blog. Our family has a new 'son' - a 14 year old boy who, due to the wonderful work that Project 61 is doing in Korah will soon be to attend boarding school.

Korah is in a malaria free zone, and the school that our Fantahun and 230 other children will be attending is in a malaria zone. Malaria nets can be provided for ONLY $5 EACH!!! And each net will protect 2 children. Would you like to help save a life?? Please pop over to my friend Andrea's blog to see how you can help!!!

Thank you SO MUCH!!!!

Cute Babies........Well, They're Toddlers Now I Guess!

2010-07-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm working in my Attachment and Bonding Part 3 post, but I thought in the mean time, as it takes me awhile to get a long, wordy post finished, I would post a few pics from our summer. The girls are getting so big, it is just crazy!!!!

A trip to the zoo - Bethlehem on the front, Tiny, Abigail's doll on the back!

And Abigail herself, on daddy's shoulders!

Don't I know you from Ethiopia??

A fun zoo trip with Courtney and Tegegn!

I think......I'm kind of cute!

I couldn't find my shoes, and these seemed to fit okay......not the most comfortable though.

Daddy doing Aba's hair!

He does a pretty good job!

We're going blueberry picking!!!

Why are you taking pictures of us?

Noses!

Avuf doesn't have a nose!

I just love mine!

Let's check again.....are you SURE she doesn't have one?

You've held her long enough....she's MY baby!

Just lounging

Me mama?? I wasn't going to jump on the couch, I was just standing here!

Touch lamps are just too tempting!

Oil that baby!

I love getting rubbed down!

Fun bonding time!

LOVE my new dress from Courtney!

Smile!

Crazy haired girl!

Uncles are so fun!

It's windy in here!

Do I have to smile for the picture? My mouth is full of food!

Guess who is trying to potty train herself?

Potty time is fun!

Cute hair! (Notice the dark circles under her eyes? These pics were taken on a very rough day - lots of crying going on with Aba and tantrums from my little 14 month-old-going on 2 baby girl.)

But I WANT MY OWN WAY. STOP BEING MEAN MAMA!

Love this color green on my Bete!

My kitchen crew

Playing in the pool!

Family pic after pool time! (My arm is not quite long enough to get a good shot of us all!)

I asked her if she likes being naked (you can't tell, but she is!).....this was her response. :) I think she does!

Attachment and Bonding Part 2

2010-07-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

Warning - this is another long one!!!!

I ended my last blog post talking a little about how bonding went for me in country and how many parents fall instantly in love with their child and how some parents 'parent love' takes time to grow - and just to note - how you felt about your referral has NOTHING to do with how your automatic response to your child presents itself - I know many moms who have felt in love with and 'bonded' with a picture of their child and then found that those same feelings didn't come (or stay) once their child was placed in their arms - I also know some parents who HAD a perfect moment when their child was placed in their arms and had that rush of mother love and then found later that those feeling slipped away and had to be grown back.

When those feelings don't come (or stay) instantly, it is difficult. For one thing, you don't know how long it will take for you to feel like this child is your son or daughter. For some I have talked to, it has taken well over a year, for some two weeks, three months, many varying amounts of time.

In this post I want to talk about attachment and bonding - but not Bethlehem's attachment and bonding, my attachment and bonding with her. In the next post, I will talk about our attachment and bonding 'plan' and how it played out in real life instead of on paper - which things worked well for us and for her, how we modified and adapted our plan, what we did to begin with that we don't do any more and what we did in the beginning that is still part of our every day life. In another I would like to talk about the transition from 1 little one to 2 (harder than I expected it to be) and how the girls adjusted to each other. But this post is about me and my feelings. And while I would love to sugar coat it and tell you all what a wonderful person I am and that I am super mom, I am going to try to be as honest as possible. Not to complain or elicit sympathy from anyone, but so those of you on similar journeys will know that God's plan for us isn't always the easiest road, having a hard time can be totally normal, how the Lord does give us strength for the journey He has called us on, and when we come through the tough times we find ourselves stronger, more reliant on our Saviour for daily strength and with a new understanding of what love is. I also want to make sure you know that it has not ALL been hard - but this post is about the hard stuff.

Feelings and emotions. They are so fickle. They ebb and flow and change. And it is all to easy to let them control you. But love - love is not a feeling. Love is something you do no matter what your feelings and emotions say.

I returned home feeling like my precious daughter's aunt - or nanny. For sure an aunt or nanny who was very fond of her, but I simply didn't feel like her mom. I had claimed her as my own, but she didn't yet feel like my own. Strangely enough, although Bethlehem attached to me first, Don felt more bonded with her than I did. Now, unfortunately, feeling cannot be contrived. I cannot make myself feel something I don't as much as I can't make apples grow on a peach tree. BUT I am in control of my actions. And so I gently mothered my sweet baby girl and did my best to helped her transition into our home.

And I fought many battles - battles of selfishness - deep selfishness that I didn't know existed in me, battles of fear and doubt (What if I never feel like she is my daughter? Was this really God's plan for our family??); battles of jealousy - (for a great blog post on this subject pop over to my friend's blog); and discontent (What if we had gotten that referral instead - would it maybe have been instant feelings of love then? What if they had let us adopt a boy instead? What if she had been younger? What if she had been older?).

I wanted to feel love, instead I was feeling frustration, resentfulness, and exhaustion. How I longed to feel mother-love for her. I selfishly thought that feeling mother love for her would make it so much easier to be her mother! I longed to have that mother/daughter connection - the one that after we stopped co-sleeping with Abigail would wake me up in the middle of the night seconds before she awoke to call for me. The connection that meant we never needed a baby monitor for me to know that she needed me - because I just knew. What was wrong with me that I couldn't feel mother love for her?? It wasn't like I was sitting around waiting for her to do something to make me love her - I mean, what kind of a mom would do that?

Our social worker had told us that when you don't have an instantaneous bond with your child you will find sometimes that their cries tend to irritate you instead of exciting sympathy and that things that you would find endearing and adorable in a child you are well bonded with are more annoying. And I honestly though "yes, I'm sure that is how some people respond - but not me - I know I may not have an instant bond or have warm, gushy feelings of love instantly - but find my daughter irritating or annoying?? No way! That's not the kind of person I am - I LOVE kids! And kids are kids, I know how kids are - they can have challenges, and rough days, but you just love them through it and you don't find them annoying and irritating. They are little blessings!" and I thought to myself "there is no way I will every think my baby girl is annoying and irritating." And then she came home.

She transitioned easily into our home. Easier than I expected - I had prepared myself fully for her to have a super rough time. And she had rough days, many times she would wake up scared and confused, there were nights when neither of us got much sleep, and we sang and rocked and cuddled. She had a few times when she was obviously grieving. But all in all, it was WAY easier than I expected it to be. Except for me. Somehow, this adorable, sweet, funny baby girl was NOT feeling like my daughter. In fact, her cries, instead of eliciting feelings of sympathy were NOT tugging on my heartstrings the same way Abigail's do. In fact, some days I found them downright irritating. Things that were completely ADORABLE when Abigail did them I was finding myself annoyed by. What? How could this be?? My sweet baby girl was finally home in my arms - the baby I had waited and prayed for for 14 months and I was being annoyed by her?? And I thought there must be something majorly wrong with me. I mean what kind of loving mama finds their baby, who is indeed, just being a baby, annoying??? Especially a baby who had been through so much and was being such a brave strong girl - a child that, by just her circumstances should elicit my sympathy?? And so I felt consumed by guilt. Because a 'normal', loving mother should not feel this way.

Many days, my feelings would bring me to tears. I would look into my precious daughter's eyes as she snuggled against my chest and as I told her multiple times a day "baby girl, I love you so, so much - I'm so glad you are my baby girl, " I would pray and beg God to give me the feelings to go along with my words. As I struggled against my feelings, I saw how it would be all too easy to dwell on my feelings and let them seep into my actions. I saw how easy it would be to become discontent and dwell on what-ifs, or imagine myself in a different place than I was. Many times when both girls needed/wanted me at the same time, instinct told me that Bethlehem needed me first, but feelings drew me towards my Aba. And so every day, I had a choice to make: would I love my daughter with the love of God - the one who joined our lives? Would I be the mom that He wanted me to be, or would I let my feelings win and make the choice not to love? Would I harbor discontent, or would I kick it out? And I found that every time I made the right choice and chose to love, it made it that much easier to choose love the next time.

And slowly, slowly as the Lord has taught me to love my daughter - He has been growing feelings of mother love in my heart. At almost six months home, I am not quite all the way there yet, but as she and I giggled together the other day over something - can't even remember what now, I realized that I am falling in love, deeply in love with this precious little girl the Lord has made my daughter. Sometimes now she feels completely and wholly like my daughter and sometimes she still feels like a small stranger. But the feeling like she is my daughter is slowly, slowly outweighing the feelings that she is not. I'm not sure how much longer it will take - and I look forward to the day when she feels 100% my daughter.

I thank the Lord for bringing other moms into my life that have had similar experiences and that have been open enough to share how it was for them and to pray with/for me. It is a huge encouragement to know that I am not alone.

Until that day when she does feel 100% my daughter 100% of the time, I am confident in the fact that:

I love her with a lot, a lot of love. (This is what I say every night to my two baby girls - Abigail will often respond with "I love you with a lot, a lot of bun cream!" She is so silly.)
She IS 100% totally, wholly and completely my daughter.
God hand-picked her - this wonderful, sweet baby girl to be my daughter.
He will continue to grow feelings of love for her in my heart.
There is a reason He chose not to let our bond be instantaneous.
I find great joy in being her mother despite my fickle feelings and emotions.
Our bond will continue to grow in strength and deepness and no matter how long it takes we WILL get there.
And finally, feelings are just feelings.

I also have to remind myself that the relationship I share with Bethlehem will never be the exact relationship I share with Abigail - they are two totally different children, and because they are not clones of each other the relationships we share will be different. It will be just as wonderful, just different.

I have this list a friend gave me and I keep it where I can see it often and it has helped a lot as a reminder:

Keys to Contentment

Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
Never compare your lot with another's.
Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's not ours.

(Thanks, Cris!)

Often I worry about bonding and attachment - is Bethlehem forming a healthy attachment?? Are we doing all we can to help her form a healthy, secure attachment? Did she seem too friendly with the neighbor?? Have I done anything that will damage her attachment to us forever?? (Yes, I tend to be over-dramatic in my worry). I just want her to have a healthy attachment and not have to worry about it anymore. I have to remind myself that if I am not completely there yet, I sure can't expect her to be there yet either. I have learned (and am learning) to give her grace and give myself grace. I am overwhelmed by God's grace. I am so thankful that He entrusted me with Bethlehem and made her my very own daughter. I am so blessed - blessed far beyond what I deserve.

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase,
To added affliction He addeth his mercy
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

His love has no limit.
His grace has no measure.
His power has no boundaries known unto man,
For out of his infinite riches in Jesus,

He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit.
His grace has no measure.
His power has no boundaries known unto man,
For out of his infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

By Annie Flint

Attachment and Bonding Part 1

2010-07-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Warning - this is a long post! :)

"Matthew 17:20 says "If you have faith as small as a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." You must have the faith of the mustard seed. Believe that all things are possible with Jesus Christ, deal with the fear in your heart, embrace the role as your child's parent, and do what you know will be the most beneficial to your child's development, well-being and bonding. The list of options is wide and varied. Developmentally, children at this age[infant/toddler] need to feel the love and security that will help them develop trust, setting them on a course of reprogramming." - The Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family by David and Renee Sanford

When doing adoption training during the beginning of our adoption journey, the words attachment and bonding were used frequently. Both are very important, and the thought of attachment disorders tends to strike fear in the heart of the prospective adoptive parent. Attachment disorders are VERY REAL and were not unknown to me, as the person who recommended our adoption agency (AGCI) to us adopted a little boy from Romania through AGCI quite a few years back and he has RAD (reactive attachment disorder). I saw how this affected him and his whole family, and while he was a WONDERFUL little boy, he was very challenging to parent. Many issues can cause/trigger attachment and bonding problems: early separation from birth mother, loss of caregivers (orphanage workers, etc), exposure to drugs and alcohol in-utero, neglect, and the list goes on and on. Whether or not these particular things will affect a child severely or mildly often is dependent only on the resilience and personality of that particular child. So basically, any adopted child is at risk. And this scared me. But then I discovered that there is SO MUCH I could do to lessen Bethlehem's risk of problems, and while doing these things would not eliminate the risk, it would greatly decrease them.

First I wanted to understand attachment and bonding better; I was curious to know what the difference between bonding and attachment was. I found that, in a nutshell, bonding is the development of love between a parent and child. And attachment is the feeling or need a child has for its caregiver. Any child you adopt will attach to you in some way or another - I could say "my child is very attached to me" and that could be either a good or bad thing depending on whether it was a secure, healthy attachment, or a insecure, unhealthy attachment - an abused child is still attached to its parents, it is just an attachment based on fear instead of trust - and so is a very unhealthy attachment. When a child is placed in your arms, and neither one of you know each other at all, you are starting off with an insecure attachment - since your little one doesn't know you she doesn't know if she can trust you to meet her needs or not. IF she has learned from previous caregivers that adults are trustworthy (that when I'm hungry and cry I'll be fed, if I'm wet and cry my diaper will be changed, if I'm tired and need to sleep I get rocked and put in my bed) then the secure attachment is more likely to happen and happen more quickly than it would if she had not learned this at an early age. BUT even though your child may have learned that adults are trustworthy to meet her needs, she has also learned that familiar adults have a tendency to disappear and never come back. After all, he or she has already lost a minimum of two major caregivers (birth mother and orphanage workers) if your little one's birth mother died, she may have lived with relatives for a while, before coming to the orphanage - or in some cases may have been transferred from one orphanage to another multiple times. All of these moves are teaching your baby that it is not super safe to get to close to an adult because you just get hurt when they go away. How would you feel if your husband didn't come home from work one day, but instead sent another man in his place - "Hi" he would say as he walked through the door "I'm your new husband! Even though I've never met you, I've heard so much about you and love you SO much! I'm going to be a GREAT husband for you - I have all this stuff planned for us to do, we are going to have a wonderful life together - and the first thing we're going to do is fly to Italy day after tomorrow - that's where we are going to live!" Then imagine this happened several different times. How long would you trust these men who randomly showed up to take you somewhere else and expected you to be their WIFE! I think I would get really nervous every day around the time my husband was due home from work. Would it be him? Or someone else? Your relationship would not be built on mutual experiences and trust. That would have to be built over time (and depending on our individual past experiences and personalities it would take longer for some than others) - like a marriage relationship is supposed to be till death parts us, so is the relationship of a parent and child. God wired us to start bonding with our mothers as we grow in their womb - as we learn their heart beat, the sound of their voice as we are nestled snugly inside and nourished - we already KNOW our mothers when we are born.

In adoption, we are starting from square one. We must build trust and build a relationship with this little person or persons that have been through more than any of us could even begin to imagine. And this is why I am a big advocate of pro-activity. Could it ever be said that I over nurtured or spent too much time with my child? I think not. And even if I could cause harm by too much, I personally think it would be better than doing too little.

And so as we prepared for the arrival of our little Ethiopian Princess, we prayed and studied books on fostering healthy attachments and bonding and worked out a plan of what we would do as a family to be proactive in attachment. And lots of people thought we were crazy (we are actually)....still do, I'm sure. :) Here is a list of some of the resources I used then, and a couple I have discovered since returning home - read a lot more than this, but these are my favorites so far:

Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family By David and Renee Sanford

This is a wonderful, Christ-Centered book on adoption. It was one of the first I read after starting the adoption process, and I have given it away to many other soon-to-be adoptive parents.

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child By Patty Cogen

This one has a lot of very practical advice along with games and activities to build attachment.

Taming the Tiger While it is Still a Kitten By Nancy Thomas

I didn't buy her program, but got lots of useful info from reading reviews and articles on it and it is mentioned in detail in the Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family.

Attachment in Adoption by Deborah Gray

This one was very good, but didn't have quite as much practical application stuff as I'd like - nevertheless, definitely worth reading and I learned much from it.

Toddler Adoption: The Weavers Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

Here are some of the recommendations we were given in The Handbook For Thriving As an Adoptive Family:
Skin-to-skin contact
Minimize stress and chaos in the home (With a 2 year old and a new baby?? We tried! But....some days it feels like stress and chaos are all there is around here!)
Provide a calm and nurturing environment for the baby
Be vigilant to follow through with promises or stated intentions as you build trust!
Incorporate soft music and lights around the home.
Minimize the number of visitors coming to your home.
Keep the child at home as much as possible.
Quantity time matters.
Compare your child's emotional health to a child with a suppressed immune system and you are trying to guard him from infection. (The thing I liked about this advice is that with a child with a suppressed immune system, he or she would LIKE and ENJOY play with kids and doing other things that could be dangerous for his health. In the same way, our adopted child might WANT to be held by other people, appear very comfortable when busy, and out and about during the first few weeks home - but just because they LIKE it doesn't mean it is good for them or that it is teaching them what you want to be teaching them at this stage!)
Realize that you are building the template for future relationships your child will have.
And this was the one best piece of advice in the whole book: Pray and trust God to equip you with the wisdom you need to do what is best for your particular child.

Here is a list of suggestions from the Taming the Tiger While it is Still a Kitten program:

Breastfeed if possible
Co-sleep
Always hold the bottle, don't ever prop or allow the child to hold it.
Carry the baby in a sling facing mom or dad for multiple hours a day. (We do this a lot still, but sometimes when I need my hands free to do something with Abigail, do laundry, or cook, I carry her on my back which I figured was better than not carrying)
Feed milk in mom's arms with soft eye contact, touch and a loving voice.
Nap daily skin-to-skin on dad.
Avoid baby carriers (strollers, car seats, grocery store carts) carry baby in your arms.
Mom is the only person to feed baby. (I am the only one to give Bethlehem a bottle, Don will feed her solids)
No one holds baby except mom and dad unless it's less than 5 minutes per day.
Baby should not be left alone to cry for more than 3 minutes.
Hold baby close to your heart.
Delay painful medical procedures, if possible until the baby is bonded.
Play Mozart to soothe the baby.
Respond with joy to your baby's attempts to get your attention and love.

The lists are much longer with many practical ways to build attachment - this is already going to be a long post, so I won't list more!

Our personal plan was to cocoon (stay home from anywhere but Drs appts) for between 1-3 months, not allow others to hold Bete for at least 1 month, co-sleep for as long as we felt it was necessary (we co-slept with Abigail for almost a year), carry her in the sling as much as possible, try to breastfeed, respond promptly to her needs, I would be the only one to feed bottles and as her primary caregiver, I would not leave her even with her daddy for at least 3 months, we would not leave her with a trusted baby sitter for at least 6 months (we actually have been out once after she was down for the night), we would keep the atmosphere around our home as quiet as possible and try not to overstimulate her as much as possible (this involved packing away many of our toys in the play corner), and we would keep to a strict daily routine so that she would know what to expect every day.

With this basis of knowledge and a plan :), we flew to Ethiopia to meet our new daughter.

Bonding and attachment in country on Bethlehem's end:

She wasn't all that happy to see us. :)

One of the many ways babies 'cope' with all this upheaval in their lives is to withdraw and sleep a lot. That is what Bethlehem did, after the first meeting, where she cried hard for a long time - until her special mother took her (she instantly stopped crying - a good sign that she was attached to her caregiver, able to accept comfort from her, and would most likely be able to over time transfer that attachment/trust to us!!)

Back at the hotel after our first meeting.

We had one scared little girl on our hands!

She soon chose me as the least scary object available and clung to me as if she never wanted to let go. She didn't even want to be out of my arms to lie on her back for a diaper change, and so I would lean as close to her as I could and get the job done as quickly as possible. She lived in the Moby almost the entire week we were there, and slept with her little body pressed against mine. We met on Sunday evening and on Tues I saw her smile for the first time. She was afraid to have her daddy hold her, but started playing with him from my arms. She clung to me like a limpet the whole week. She also showed some good signs of ability to attach - she made good eye contact, she 'asked' me for things (food, etc), she initiated play with both Don and I and by the end of the week when we went to say good-bye to her special mothers, she went to them, but then wanted me right back.

Bonding and attachment on my end in country:

In adoption, when you meet your child one of two things can happen. You will fall instantly in love with a euphoric rush of mother love, or you won't. Many adoptive parents I've talked to had told me "it is JUST like giving birth - when they place your child in your arms the world stops you are in love" others had said "it is very different from any other birthing experience - your love will need time to grow." I had loved Bethlehem from before we even knew about her - and had always hoped ours would be one of those 'instant feeling of love' meetings. I was realistic enough to know that this might not happen, that it could take awhile for feelings of love to grow and that that was okay and normal. I did not have that instant bond. I knew I loved her, I knew she was my daughter - but I felt like I was meeting a tiny, sad stranger and while I KNEW that I loved her, I did not feel the powerful surge of mother love I felt often when Abigail was growing inside me - the surge of love I had hoped for. I was tired and feeling so sorry for my scared little girl. I ached to heal her heart, and as much as I loved that she was finally in my arms, I wanted to run find her special mother and let her have SOMEONE familiar to her hold her. I felt scared because I didn't know what she liked - what made her feel safe, what food she liked, what position she liked to be held in, what her 'cues' were to tell me she was hungry, tired or wet. I felt feelings of insecurity "are we ruining her life??" I was thankful that she allowed me to be her comfort. Amidst all the insecurities, the voice of the Holy Spirit calmed me "this IS your child - I knew before the foundations of the world were laid that you would be her mama. I have placed this child in your family and I will help you be what she needs". Thank God for His peace that passes all understanding, and thank God for the wonderful support of the AGCI family He provided for us - our travel group!

To be continued.......

Words

2010-07-04T23:14:00.000-07:00

Bethlehem is amazing me with all the words she is picking up these days! I love this stage where she is REALLY starting to realize that she can communicate! Here is a list of some of the words she is using:

Mama
Dadoo
Aba
Avuf (her doll)
duck
gog (dog)
cat
abble (apple)
anna (bannana)
yes
no
nose
eye
hand
baboo-bun (belly-button)
baby
bobble (bottle)
up (she uses 'up' for both up and down)
uh-oh
on
in there
that
Wha's that?
Wha's this?
I nannoo. (I love you)
Want ..... (common wants are - Want mama. Want abble. Want Avuf. Want up. Want more.)
hi
bye
'uck (stuck)
ball
baaall (balloon)
'ump (jump)
bed
back (she says this when she wants to ride on my back - she'll go grab the Ergo and bring it to me!)
dut-duh (all done)
bread
beep (she likes to 'beep' noses)
mole (the freckle kind)

Signs she knows:
water
more
please
thank you
milk
all gone/all done
where

Not bad for a not quite 14 month old!!!!

Her receptive language has taken off too. She can now understand two (and sometimes three) part commands ("pick up Avuf and take her to daddy" "go get the spoon, put it on the table.")

She still calls most animals "duck" - she knows the word 'dog', but often still calls dogs 'duck'. When she does, I often say "Good talking! That's a dog, not a duck". The other day she was looking out the window and saw a dog - she looked at me and then excitedly pointed "mama, duck, duck!" I said "Good talking, Bete". She looked out the window again and said "mama, duck, duck" and then looked back at me. I said "good talking, Bete". She looked back out the window, looked back and me and said in a very firm voice "dog not duck". Then she gave me this look like "mama next time remember what you're supposed to say, okay?"

Abigail takes much delight in her sister's language skills and will often say "did you hear what Bete just said Mama? Good talking, Bete" with a huge grin on her face. Abigail's doll, Tiny is also (according to Abigail) learning new words every day! Just yesterday, Abigail said "Tiny said 'ha-ha-hot', Mama! She's starting to talk just like Bete!"

Bete is loving singing too - she delights in songs with hand motions and her current favorites are "If We All Pull Together" "Deep and Wide" and "If You're Happy and You Know It". She loves to dance, spin, jump and clap (she can actually get one foot of the ground when she jumps!). Both girls enjoy watching youtube music videos every once in awhile - we watch mostly kids songs, but ones of Ethiopian music and culture too. Here is Bete's favorite Ethiopian youtube video - I love how it shows the coffee ceremony, cultural dress, honey wine, etc. Wish I knew what the words to the song meant!

I have a bunch of blog posts in my head I've been wanting to write but simply lack the time....I'll try to post them before they get lost! :)

Working In the Yard

2010-06-16T21:08:00.001-07:00

We have been having lots of rain here, but recently there have been a few days that allowed us to get out in the yard and do some work! The girls really enjoyed it, and Bethlehem got her first mouthful of yummy Oregon dirt. :)

It doesn't really taste all that good, Mama!

I thought it was pretty cute that Daddy and Aba were both filling wheelbarrows at the same time! She is such a daddy's girl!

I'm working hard, Mama!

Notice the dirt around the mouth. :) Also notice the mischievous look in her eyes....yes, she is about to tip Abigail's wheelbarrow over.

Days

2010-06-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

We've been having some days lately where we all kind of feel.....

....like this.

Or this.

And this.

So we've been doing lots of this.

Bete's New Doll!

2010-05-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

Bete was delighted to receive a new doll in the mail for her birthday!!!

Opening the package!

Meeting her new friend!

My brother, John, says it looks like she's giving her a chair massage!

"I think I'll name her 'Avuf'!!!"

What is this??

A really strange growth on her arm!

Don't hurt her, Daddy!

After that, you need a big hug!!

This picture was supposed to be second in row....how did it get down here??

Snuggle time!!

Such a cute doll!!! Thank you, M!!!

If you would like to get your ET princess a similar doll, check out Happy Green Bees website! The dolls are made of organic materials, and are on sale right now for a super price, and you can even buy your little one a matching outfit....if you want!!!

Just Thinking

2010-05-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here this evening thinking. Thinking about our adoption - the paper chase, the wait, the referral, the wait for travel, travel, and home. Thinking about the emotions, the tears, the hours of prayers, the lessons in trusting God. Thinking about our baby girl and how far she has come in 4 months. Thinking about how far I've come in 4 months. I'm thinking about all the changes; there have been so many changes - yet, she is the same little girl, and I, the same mama.

This is the earliest picture we have of our little Bete - it was taken the day she arrived at Hannah's Hope. Shortly afterward, she was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia - she was very sick. She looks so sad in this picture - it was one of three that we received on her referral, and it is the picture I had the hardest time looking at. It made me want to just fly over there and scoop her up and make her smile. I remember thinking "I wonder if she is just a very serious baby and never smiles" and now I get to see her smile every day time and time again.

This precious little girl.............

.......has become this precious little girl.

I am so blessed to have my little Bete. I love her smiles, her laugh, I love waking up in the middle of the night to find her head snuggled into my shoulder, and her little hand resting on my chest, I love how she is curious and loves to copy everything her big sister does, I love the confidence that she is beginning to have. She brings me so much joy. And then there are those days - when I am sick, the girls are sick, when I'm just plain exhausted, the days when Bete is whining and throwing food on the floor because the food I'm eating looks better to her, and then, the times when she gets angry, very angry because I won't give her exactly what she wants, when changing a diaper seems like a pitched battle, the days that Abigail is falling apart because Bete touched one of her babies, the days my potty trained Aba has multiple accidents on the floor - seemingly in sync with Bethlehem needing me desperately for something, and on those days, I just want to sit down and cry (and sometimes I do). Those are the days, that I have to repeat over and over: the joy of the Lord is my strength. Because that is the only way to get through those days - to depend on Him for strength. Those are the days I also have to depend on Him to keep me from speaking harsh words, and keep me from teaching my daughters the inappropriate responses to stress. Those are the days that I try. Those are the days I recite to myself: Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never fails. The days that I choose to LOVE even though I might not particularly feel like it.

And it is after those days, that I realize even more how blessed I am and how good God is.

How is that for a rambled sort of post. Just what I'm thinking about tonight - and my thoughts tend to wander around a bit!

I am so thankful. Thankful that my little girl no longer looks sad. Thankful that she is healthy and strong and growing and thriving and showing HUGE signs of healthy attachment. I love my girls so very, very much. I love being their mama. I love taking care of them and rocking them and nursing them. I pray that the Lord will continue to make me a better mama each day - to teach me to be kinder, more patient, more gentle, more loving. Love is such a huge thing - so easy to say "I love you", and so hard to"love" sometimes (love is not provoked......and bears ALL things, yep, kind of tough sometimes!)

Okay, I'm going to stop rambling and go to bed. It is way past time.

Good-night!!!

Happy Dance!

2010-05-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

I posted a while back about Bethlehem's little friend Tegegn who came from the same orphanage Bete did and now lives about 20 minutes from us. Last night, Courtney (Tegegn's mommy) posted a really cute video on Facebook of Tegegn dancing. Bethlehem has watched/listened to it more times than I can count! She loves it! I can't share the video here, but here are a few pictures of Bethlehem as she enjoys watching her little friend dance!

She's been trying to copy his moves! In this picture though, she is not in the best position to be dancing - giving it a good shot though!

So pleased!

Seems a bit taller than normal, huh??

Not only is she standing on the train, she's trying to dance on the train - silly girl!

I attempted my first hair style on her today. Didn't turn out quite like I hoped, but not too bad overall! Bethlehem was NOT happy about the whole procedure, but seemed pleased with the end results.

Dance on the floor, crazy girl!

What I Did on My 1st Birthday

2010-05-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

I had a really fun first birthday. After breakfast, Mama dressed me up in my Ethiopian Princess dress!

Then I played with a little container of lotion for a while.

I tried to get it to stick to the fridge like all the other things stuck on there, but it didn't work....

.....so I just looked really cute so Mama could take my picture some more.

Then I posed with my big sister, who was also wearing an Ethiopian Princess dress. I wanted to sit on the blue potty to have my picture taken, and Mama kept trying to move me off it, but I had to insist. I like the blue potty.

Then Aba and I made some plans.

We decided it was time to open presents. Aba was a big help - opening presents can be kind of tough.

I got some new books, so me and Daddy and Aba read together for awhile.

Then I played with the card reader until Mama noticed and took it away from me.....why does she always to that?

Aba and I both got new dresses from my Aunt Karen and Uncle Kevin, so we decided to change into them and do some serious playing. I like carrying toys around in this little basket!

Mama did Aba's hair.

It looked pretty cute......

.....for about 3 minutes and then Aba took her barrette out.

I played with some balls for awhile. I'm really good at saying "ball".

Then Daddy said it was time for a nap. You can't be serious, Daddy?? Not on my birthday! It's just a joke, right?

For dinner we had a picnic out on the front deck. We weren't going to wear bibs, but Aba said we both needed them.

It was Aba's idea to eat outside. She has lots of good ideas.

It was fun playing outside after we ate.

Aba looked really cute in her new dress!! Don't you think I have a great big sister??

We played some more and rough-housed with Daddy.

Then Daddy got a phone call, and I tried to get him to trade his phone for my bib, but he didn't seem to want it. I wish they'd let me have a cell phone.

Then it was time to go in and get ready for bed. It was a good day. No big party or anything, just a quiet day with my family. Perfect.

Bete's First Parade

2010-05-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

We live in a big city, but our area of the city has a small town parade every year towards the beginning of May. We almost always go, and decided to see how it went taking Bete - usually I wouldn't take her to something crowded and noisy, but we had fun, she enjoyed herself, and she and I left before the end, because I didn't want her to get too overstimulated.

For the first part of the parade, she snuggled and drank her bottle.

Then it was time to sit up and take notice of what was going on.

She saw some balloons - "ball, ball".

And some horses - "duck, duck".

Abigail and Tiny had fun too!

The parade seemed quieter than usual, which suited us just fine! We (Bete and I) left and walked home before most of the marching bands came by, as they tend to be a bit overwhelming. It was a great way to spend the day before Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T12:45:00.001-07:00

My mama, her mama and me........23 years ago!!!

On this Mother's Day, my heart is full. Full of love and thanksgiving for the 3 little people who have given me the title Mama (one of whom I will meet someday in Heaven). Full of love and thanksgiving for my Mama, who carried me inside her for nine months and who has taught me so much about what it means to be a woman, a mom and a follower of Jesus Christ. Full of love and thanksgiving for a very special Mama in Ethiopia who for nine months carried our daughter, Bethlehem inside her, who gave her a name, love, life - who sacrificed so much so she could live and thrive; for the 'special mothers' at Hannah's Hope who cared for our daughter while we waited for the paperwork to be completed so we could bring her home. And full of love and thanksgiving for the other women who have throughout my life mothered me and influenced my life, teaching me and helping me become the woman I am today. My heart is also full of contentment. I love the entrustment that the Lord has given me in my two small daughters. I love watching them grow and thrive and change. I love being a mama. I pray the Lord will entrust me with more little ones in the future.

My mom is truly the best mom in existence. Thank you, Mom for all you have taught me - you have been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember. Thank you for teaching me through example in the way you raised John and I how very important children are - that they should be nurtured, read to, played with, treated with respect, listened to, had their opinions taken seriously, showered with love and attention, disciplined, taught how to act through modeling good behavior and attitudes, and above all taught me that the most important thing in life is to make Jesus Christ the Lord of my life - to be a servant of others - to model my life after His. Thank you for loving me, laughing with me, giving me a superb education, being my friend, taking me on adventures, following me into all kinds of crazy adventures (What are your plans for the Fourth of July this year??) :) and being everything a mom should be. Thank you for teaching me that even though you are my parent that doesn't necessarily mean you are, by default always right, and for apologizing the few times you haven't been. This is by no means a comprehensive list of all the things I love and appreciate about you. That would take an encyclopedia, so I'll stop here. I am so glad we live close to each other so we can spend time together and you can grandmother my girls. I love you so very, very much and hope that I can be as good a mama to my girls as you are and have been to me!

This is one of my favorite pictures of my mom and my older brother John. Her face exactly expresses how I feel some days and I have it framed on top of the piano so I can look at it on those difficult days and know she had those days too. Thanks Dad for taking this picture when you should have been letting her nurse Baby Johnny who was screaming for milk! I can just hear her saying, "honey, would you please put away the camera so I can nurse the baby," and I can see the delighted, mischievous grin on your face as you took the picture!!!

Me, my mom and my brother John, getting ready for a 5 day hike into the Grand Canyon on one of the many adventures I dragged them all into. Oh the fond memories of the hikes I took them on - trails that had not been bucked out, hiking boots floating helplessly downstream (thanks for rescuing them, John - I would have been hiking in flip-flops the rest of the trip), 7 mile loops that seemed like 14 miles, midnight visits from ring-tailed cats when dad didn't stow his food properly, singing around the camp fire at night, worshiping God and enjoying His marvelous creation together as a family!

Then there is Debbie, my 'other mother'. She has been my mom's prayer partner since I was 12. Thank you Debbie, for being such a big influence in my life, for loving me and praying for me and being my friend. Thank you for the taking care of John and me when my mom and dad were out of town, for the many games of hide-and-seek-in-the-dark, for the hikes, the laughter, the fun. Thank you for being open and transparent - for not pretending to be perfect (although you are pretty close :) ). Thank you for being my other mom, for being such a wonderful mother to your four boys and all the others you have mothered over the years. Thank you for being such a godly example, for loving God with all your heart and for trusting Him even when you don't understand why he chose to allow your second son, my birthday-mate and 'little brother' to move to Heaven and leave us all here missing him. Thank you for all your support and prayers during our adoption adventure and for being 'Grandma Debbie' to my girls. The Titus Family loves and appreciates you so much!!!

The Hawk Family

My mother-in-love, Donna. You gave my husband life. You raised him and taught him to love Jesus. You helped him become the man he is and the wonderful husband and father he is to me and the girls. I hope we will, in the years ahead become very close friends and form special memories together! Thank you for being our mom and a grandma to our little ones! We love you and appreciate you so much!!!

My Mom Forest with my husband, Don.

Selamawit. Although I know very little about you, I love you deeply. Our lives are forever joined by one very special little girl - our daughter Bethlehem. My heart is full of many things I would like to tell you - things that I would like to say that are too private to post on a public blog. You will always be a special part of my life, and I am so thankful for you.

There are many other mothers who have touched my life deeply (my Nana, my Mimsipie (aka: Aunt Marilyn, my mom's sister,), my friend Lauren, special friends I've made through our adoption journey - and others), and if I blogged about each one, I would be on the computer forever, and there are two little people who need my attention.

I will close with one more special mother that the Lord has brought into my life, my friend K. We met shortly after the birth of Abigail and she was a huge encouragement to me as I worked to give my little one mama milk - which was a greater challenge than I expected. Thank you K for all the helpful links and encouragement you sent me back when I was a new mama. You helped me to relax and trust my body to nourish my little one. It has been so fun to have you and M, who is just almost exactly a year older than little Abigail to play with and I love how we share clothes, books and toys and mama tips back and forth. I loved watching your belly expand as little N grew inside you and was so excited when we got our referral of Bethlehem and found that she was so close in age to him! Thank you (and N!) for sharing your milk with her, so she could have nutritious mama milk to drink when she came home. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement during our adoption journey. You are a wonderful mother to your little ones and a great friend to me!!! I thank God for you!

K and Bete

Bethlehem, K and N (since N shared his milk with Bethlehem, he is her "milk brother")

K, a very small Abigail, and M at the zoo the day before N made his appearance into the world.

Mama with her babies, one inside, one outside. :)

Happy Mother's Day!!! I am so glad each and every one of you are part of my life!!!

Is There Someone Missing From Your Family???

2010-05-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

Our agency sent out a newsletter today, and in it they featured two beautiful young ladies ages 9 and 14 who have been waiting for a family for quite some time now. When we traveled to get Bethlehem, we met them both and spent some time playing ball with the younger of the two sisters and talking as best we could with our limited knowledge of each others language (her English was far better than my Amharic!). They have been on my heart and in my prayers many times since we came back home. They need a family.

Could there be room in your family for these two precious girls?? The newsletter stated that they are afraid the older sister may age out of the system before they find a family. I pray this does not happen.

Here is more info and a few pics on another AGCI family's blog.

Would you please also join me in prayer that they will not have to wait much longer? That this Mother's Day will be their last without a mother?? I cannot imagine how hard it must be to see family after family come to take the little babies, to take the toddlers, to take the 6 year olds, to take the other kids HOME, and to always be the ones left behind.

If you have any questions or are interested in pursuing adoption (of these girls or in general), please feel free to email me - there is a contact me button on the sidebar!

One Year Ago Today......

2010-05-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

We were put on the wait list with All God's Children International. We had expected to be put on the wait list 3 months earlier, but the same week we turned in our dossier and were waiting eagerly for a #, Don was laid off from his job and our adoption was put on hold. We were able to continue, but the additional paperwork required took a LONG 3 months to collect.

And then, on May 5th 2009, just 8 days before our little Bete was born, we were put on the wait list for a baby girl at number 31, which means 30 other families would be assigned baby girls before we would get our referral. We were told it would most likely be an 8-9 month wait, which would have put us getting a referral in Jan or Feb 2010. Only slightly longer than 5 months later, on Oct 20th, my phone rang and Christy from AGCI told us she had a little girl to talk to us about. Instead of getting our referral in Jan, we traveled in Jan. I am so thankful my Bete is home!!!

When You Do Laundry at My House.....

2010-05-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

......you never know what you'll find in the basket with the clean laundry!

Trip Away From Home

2010-05-04T11:21:00.001-07:00

We recently got to go out of town for two nights to the Oregon Gardens - My parents paid for us to spend two nights their as a combined birthday/anniversary gift. We checked with Mindy at AGCI to see if she thought Bethlehem would be ready for it and she thought it sounded like we would be fine to give it a shot. We are co-sleeping, and that makes staying away from home a little easier on the little ones, as even though it is an unfamiliar bed, mommy and daddy are both right there as usual. We scheduled our trip to be at the same time as this AGCI adoptive family's silent auction fundraiser so we could attend and meet them too. Bethlehem did great on the trip overall. The silent auction was a bit too much for her - and while we really enjoyed getting to meet other adoptive families, it was a little soon to take her to something with that many people. I wore her in the Ergo on the front almost the whole evening, and for most of the time, she was completely shut down and pretending to be asleep (I know she was pretending because when I got a glass of water and went to take a drink she immediately popped up and signed water). :) She did sleep well that night though, and was herself the next morning.

I decided to take some pics of the girls in matching dresses in our hotel room.....it is always interesting how the pictures turn out.

In the afternoon, before the auction, we took the girls to the Tulip Festival. We forgot our camera, but a very nice family we ran into took our pictures for us and emailed them. :) You can visit their blog here. If you look at this blog post, and scroll down to the picture titled "two of the girls' special mothers" you will see a cute little face peeking out from between the two special mothers sitting on the couch.....recognize it??? That's Bethlehem!! The Andersen family traveled to Ethiopia to get their twin girls two weeks before we flew over to get Bethlehem. What are the chances of running into two of Bethlehem's orphanage friends in the middle of a tulip field???

One of the few family shots we have!!!

On our way out of Portland we stopped at ACGI to drop some things off and Bethlehem got to meet Christy our caseworker who was so instrumental in her journey home.

My Aba

2010-05-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Trying not to smile.

Big sisters ARE the coolest.

Abigail feeding 10 of her babies their evening meal.

Abigail is really into numbers right now, and also is mothering quite a few little babies (I think she is currently at 11 or 12 - she borrows some of Bethlehem's to increase her collection) - she stays very busy. After she gets up and dressed, and we have breakfast, it is time for her babies' morning routine. They all have to wear bibs to have their lentil baby food and she uses a green spoon to feed them from a porcelain plate with a rose on it. Then, they have jumping time (all at the same time) in the Johnny Jump-up, take a bath (in the laundry basket), and then it is time for their naps. This involves placing them in a long line on the living room floor, on their stomachs (like my two girls, they are all tummy sleepers) and then covering them completely with as many blankets, towels and washrags that can be found. Sometimes one or other step is skipped, because, as she says "today they just don't want a bath" or "the babies don't feel much like jumping today" or "those babies just won't go to sleep today".

Sometimes her babies jump off the step stool, and almost every time they get bonks. When Abigail and Bete bonk, we always pray and ask Jesus to make them better....and that is what happens with the babies too. I think yesterday I prayed for 34 bonked heads, 26 bonked legs, and 27 bonked arms. Those babies just need to be a little more careful!

Right now, they are getting ready for their nap and Abigail is one-by-one carrying them in from the kitchen where they just finished their baby food. She is counting them all off as she goes - "now there are 7 babies in the living room, mama - and that makes a septet"....."there are 6 babies riding the train, mama, and that makes a sextet of babies" and so on and so forth. I just asked her "If you have five babies and you take two away, how many do you have?" She thought for about 2 seconds and said "3 babies.....and that makes a trio!" Did my 2.5 year old just do her first math problem?? I think that is the first time she's figured one out in her head without counting!! She just ran into the bathroom to have her daddy come out and look at "one baby, riding solo on the train".

The other day she heard me say something about octuplets and wanted to know what octuplets were. I told her it is when 8 babies grow inside a mama all at the same time. Her eyes got huge and she said "that would be difficult".

I love this learning time - she loves learning new words and how to do new things. She is going to be so much fun to homeschool....well, she IS such a joy to homeschool. And all this stuff she just learns....I don't have to try to teach her. I guess that is how learning is supposed to be! Fun and unforced.

I love how nurturing she is with her babies and her little sister.
I love how her eyes sparkle when she figures something out.
I love how she loves Jesus and is recognizing that we can talk to Him about everything.
I love how she loves rhyming....I'll leave that for another post!
I love her sense of humor - she loves saying funny things that she knows will make us laugh.
I love watching her grow, and learn and play and find joy in just being.
I love my Aba.

She's Definitely Walking!!!!

2010-04-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

It is official!!! She's walking!!!!

For the last week or two, Bethlehem has been taking random steps here and there, with her highest record being 6 steps. Day before yesterday, she took 10 steps across the kitchen - and then later 12 in the living room. Yesterday, I lost count. Today, I think she's walked more than she's crawled or scooted.

Did I mention she is climbing too???

And is she ever pleased with herself!!!

When Both Girls Need Mommy.......

2010-04-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

.......I can still get a little laundry done!

5th Anniversary

2010-04-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

April 23rd marked the 5th year that I have been married to the most wonderful man in the world. I can honestly say I love him much more now than I did on that day 5 years ago when our lives were forever joined into one. I pray that our love will continue to grow through the coming years and that we will learn more and more about what true oneness means.

This year for our anniversary, he surprised me by starting the celebration on April 1st and doing the "23 days of Bitsy" (When we were dating I asked him if he minded me using terms of endearment such as "darling", "sweetheart", etc and he said no, as long as it wasn't something super sappy like "itsy, bitsy wookums"......so, in playful rebellion, I started calling him Bitsy ;) and it stuck. We now actually both use it in reference to each other.)

So for the 23 days leading up to our anniversary, I got one hot cup of Ethiopian coffee per day, two foot rubs per day (one for each foot), three small bites of chocolate, etc. One day he did 9 little heart shaped notes for me to find around the house. It was so much fun! For day 23, he made me a beautiful plaque with our wedding vows and a couple pictures from our wedding (cut all that matte board by hand - from scraps we had in our craft bin! I'm impressed!). Since he was laid off 14 months ago, and money has been tight, we've had to be a lot more creative with our gift giving, making them at little or no cost. And in that time, I have gotten some of the most meaningful gifts I've ever received!

Here are the vows we spoke to each other 5 years ago:

Don's vows:

I, Don, commit myself to you, Sarah, to be your husband.

As Jesus molds my love for you into the kind of love He has for the church, I will cherish you as a precious gift from Him. I know that we will be better able to serve and glorify God together than apart. Next to my relationship with God, my relationship with you is most dear to me.

I promise to lead you as together we grow to love the Lord with all our hearts, soul, mind and strength, and explore the many plans He has for our lives. I promise to hold you, listen to you , be honest with you, care for you and encourage you. To you I pledge my respect, my devotion, my support, and my prayers. I promise that, forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you with my time, my thoughts, my eyes and my body. I make these promises to you and to God, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

My vows:

I, Sarah, commit myself to you, Don, to be your wife.

As Jesus teaches me to love you unconditionally and to submit to your leadership, I will honor you as a precious gift from Him. I too know that we will be better able to serve and glorify God together than apart. Next to my relationship with God, my relationship with you is most dear to me.

As your wife and accountability partner, I promise to hold you, listen to you, be honest with you, care for you and encourage you. To you I pledge my respect, my devotions, support and my prayers. I promise that, forsaking all others, I will be faithful to you with my time, my thoughts, my emotions and my body. I make these promises to you and to God, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

As we exchanged rings, we said:

I give you this ring as a sign and seal of my unconditional love for you and my my covenant with you and with God. May He make us one in Him.

I pray the Lord will give us many more years to keep these vows to each other and that we will be able to show our children by example what the meaning of true love is. We have a lot to learn and a long ways to go, but together we are learning what it means to put the Lord at the center of our marriage, and the beauty He brings when that is the case! I love my man and am so thankful the Lord brought him into my life!!!

Walking, Talking, Dancing and Signing

2010-04-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to give an update on what our Bete girl is doing these days!

On May 13 we will celebrate her first birthday. It is coming so soon!!! As I type this, Bethlehem is asking for more Joe's O's - with both the word and the sign. She also signs all done/all gone, thank you, and water. Her receptive language has grown rapidly and she is learning more and more words. Today she said 'gamma' (grandma) for the first time. Lately, when I pick her up, she will often pat me on the back and say affectionately "my mama".

A few days ago she took 3 steps in a row. Today she danced 6 steps on her own, with little arms keeping time and her body moving to an invisible beat.

I think it's called thriving. :)

Bonding Games

2010-04-20T17:19:00.001-07:00

I've been a little remiss in blogging lately - Bethlehem has not been sleeping quite as much as I'd like some nights, and I've been busy and tired, making computer stuff a very low priority. When I'm tired I tend to stress and worry more, and bonding and attachment is one of the huge things I struggle with trying not to worrying about - When we went to the store the other day, did Bethlehem seem a little too friendly with the checker?? Was the smiling and flirting with the guy at the meat counter just her normal personality, or a sign that she is not bonding with us??? Is her crying to be held and then wanting to be put down and then when I put her down her crying like I broke her heart just normal babyishness and teething stuff, or is it an attachment concern?? She's warming up to people she doesn't know easier these days - is this because she is feeling safe and attached to us, or is it a bad sign?? If you've been there, you know what I'm talking about!! :)

We are still not letting anyone hold her much - the only people who have held her besides us so far are her grandparents, her uncle John, and two very close friends. When someone else does hold her, Don or I are close by, and the longest she's been held by anyone else is 1.5 minutes. We are trying very hard to be extremely proactive when it comes to attachment and I think its working, but some days I just worry. So, I pull out my inventory of bonding games....we play in front of the mirror a lot and point at each other, make lots of eye contact. We sing songs, dance, swoop, wrestle on the floor, read books and tickle (all stuff we do often anyway, but they are great for attachment!!). And then there is the favorite bonding game....the Joe's O's game. (If you don't have a Trader Joe's near you, this can also be played using Cheerios or another favorite snack). :)

You start by holding an O loosely between your lips....then, a small child reaches up with their lips and eats it right out of your mouth. It's fun. Especially if said small child is teething. I can know honestly tell people Bethlehem is biologically related. After all, we have traded lots of saliva.

Experimentation has proven that a damp tongue is also useful for removing O's from between Mama's lips.

This is a fun game!

Going in for another one!

Lots of laughing.

The all-important eye contact and touch.

More laughing.

I think it's working!!!! :)

We're always looking for more fun ways to encourage attachment.....what is your favorite game/way??

Pictures, Random Thoughts, and Updates

2010-04-11T22:40:00.001-07:00

First off, I am very happy to report that we were able to use blood already drawn to do some additional blood work that they wanted to make sure Bethlehem's thyroid function was okay. Praise the Lord for that!!! We did get the results back, but with no explanation from the doctor, so we're hoping to hear tomorrow if we're good to go without any further testing - I think the results were good, but I don't know how to read the test results exactly, so we'll see!

It is hard to believe that our little one has been in our arms for three months already. It has been three months of many ups and downs - we have come a long ways in three months, and I really feel like in the last two weeks especially we have made huge leaps with attachment and that Bethlehem is really starting to feel safe and that she is truly home. I know we'll have lots more ups and downs, but I am very encouraged by the progress that we've made and for the huge blessing the Lord has given us by entrusting us with the care of this precious baby girl, our daughter.

Sometimes it feels like a balancing act, trying to be what my little Bethlehem needs (and often she needs 150% of me 150% of the time), and making sure that my Abigail is getting what she needs too. I have to make a very conscious effort every day to make sure I am listening to both of them, and reading between the lines of their actions and behaviors. I have to find the balance between teaching my big girl to share with her little sister, to be patient while mama attends to Bethlehem's needs and making sure I am meeting her needs too. Some days I feel I fall so short of what they both need.

We went for a picnic in the park on Saturday, and just watching Abigail play reminded me again of what a big girl she is getting to be.

She is perfectly capable of swinging on the big kid swings now.

Rode the tire swing.

But still wanted to ride in the baby swing too!! (Without the belt.) She made sure that Bethlehem always got a turn after her - and was very generous with her allotment of time before saying "now it's my turn again"!! She is such a good big sister!

Bete enjoyed her first ride on a swing!

Is that joy on her face, or what?

She loved the slide, and as we left the park she was pointing at the slide over my shoulder yelling "mo, mo, mo" (That would be "more, more, more")

I always envisioned fun bath times with both girls splashing together in the tub. We started out separately, due to the risk of giardia, or other not-so-friendly bugs that Bethlehem might have brought home with her, but now that they can safely bathe together, they still don't. (As you can see though bath time is still fun for both of them, and Bethlehem usually spends Abigail's entire bath time trying to climb in with her). We tried having them in together, but so far, Bethlehem has exhibited a fear of things bumping into her in the bathtub - she loves splashing and playing, but needs to just have one or two toys in the tub, as too many toys, (or active big sister) will bump into her from behind and scare her. Not sure why she has this fear, but it seems to be lessening, so maybe we'll give it another shot one of these days. You can't see Bethlehem's face in this picture, but if you look at her little cheek, you can tell she is wearing a huge smile!

I asked for a silly face.....

And got one!

Two of my favorite people in the whole world! I am so thankful that we live close by to my grandma, who adores her great-granddaughters. I love watching them interact. My grandma spent several hours with us the other day while my mom ran errands and Nana and Abigail spent a long time snuggling in the rocking chair together. I noticed that Abigail was very carefully studying Nana's hands, which are beautiful, wrinkled, and slightly crooked from arthritis. As Aba carefully traced each line with her little finger, I had a flash back to my childhood when about 24 yrs ago, I too sat on Nana's lap and traced each wrinkle and line in her hand. My grandma has been part of my life for as long as I can remember and has taught me so much about living for Jesus (as well as a multitude of other things).

Okay, that's my ramblings for the day!

Sarah

Blessed

2010-04-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling exhausted and discouraged the last couple days - getting Bete's blood drawn on Monday was so draining and then yesterday we got some of the test results back - for the most part everything looks good so far, but her THS (thyroid) levels were a little high indicating possible hypothyroidism, and they want to retest. Guess what that means? Yep. You're right. More blood.

Our pediatrician did say that it was okay to wait at least a week, and that a couple of the tests they want to do can POSSIBLY be taken from the already drawn blood so that the amount will be much smaller this time. I don't want to get more blood drawn - and I don't want my baby girl to have hypothyroidism and have to go on thyroid medication. (We're really praying she doesn't, and she is completely non-symptomatic.) But when I was whining to God about it, I got to thinking.

I know several mama's who would be so happy for a diagnosis of just hypothyroidism, which is highly treatable, that they would be jumping for joy - because their babies are fighting an intense, painful and traumatic fight with cancer. Yes, drawing blood is traumatic for both Bete and I, but a spinal tap or bone marrow transplant would be so much more so.

The Lord must have some reason for wanting us to go up to the hospital for all these blood draws. Is it our witness for Him? I don't know - but He does have a reason for everything. He sees the big picture that I can't.

I find it so easy to praise the Lord and thank Him for all the good things He showers on my life. It is so much harder for me to thank Him when the going gets a bit rough, when my baby is in pain, when work just doesn't seem to come for my husband and we make an amazingly tiny amount of money in three months, when I don't understand why. And that is when I have to take a step back and a long look at myself and ask - Do I really trust Him? Or will this be the time that I say, "Sorry Lord, this one is just too big for you to handle." When I put it that way, it sounds silly doesn't it? But that is essentially what I am saying every time I worry about something.

And when I look at it that way, I can see how truly blessed I am. I can look at the test results and praise God for how healthy my baby is and celebrate that they showed Hep B antibodies so she won't have to have her shots redone! Yay! And all the other many blessings that He has heaped on us. And I can trust Him to see us through another blood draw, and trust that if test results are not what I want them to be He will take care of my little one, because He loves her more than I do.

And then I'll forget it all and start worrying again and I'll blog about it and you guys can all comment and direct me back to this post. :)

There is one thing that I discovered through the whole blood draw on Monday, that was a big encouragement to me. There were HUGE signs of attachment that I hadn't seen before (or just hadn't noticed). The first 3 times we tried to get blood drawn were a month-and-a-half ago and those times when I would pick her back up she would just cling to me and cry and eventually calm down, but still 'cling' and be quiet and withdrawn for quite a while - I remember thinking that it seemed like she wasn't as much seeking comfort from me, but was grabbing hold of the least scary object available and while she was allowing me to comfort her, which was a good thing, it didn't feel quite right (if that makes any sense at all). This time, she was looking directly to me for comfort - it's kind of hard to explain it exactly, but there was a noticeable difference - a HEALTHY difference. During our waiting times between blood draw attempts, she would go back to her normal, silly, smiling, babbling, laughing and playing self. (And kept wanting to 'beep' the nose of a picture of a baby hanging on the wall!) When we got home from the hospital Monday, she wanted to be held and cuddled and hugged a lot, but didn't regress into coping behavior as much as I had expected. Praise God!!!

Please join us in prayer - for our little Bete to be healthy, and that they will be able to use already drawn blood for some of the additional testing. Pray that we will have peace and be able to trust in the wisdom of God's plan, whatever His plan ends up being.

Happy Wednesday to you all!

Sarah

Blood Draw Success - Traumatic, but DONE!!!!

2010-04-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your prayers! I am happy to report that we have successfully completed the required blood draws - although I will rest easier when I know all the results are in, as occasionally there will be a "this blood was not able to be tested" result.

One of the tests was to determine if Bethlehem has latent TB or not - and we are praying she doesn't, as if she does, it will mean 9 months of medication. This test required blood to be drawn 'first thing in the morning' as it has to be handled in a certain way - I asked when we got there at 8:30 and was told the window was until 12 noon - not exactly what I call 'first thing in the morning', but glad to have a wider window than I thought. Our pediatrician had called up to make sure we could immediately call a PANDA team (a specialized team that is just amazing, and I've been told if anyone can draw blood, it's a PANDA team). The 3 previous blood draw tries the PANDA teams were all out on calls, so we were not able to use them - they go out on the ambulances, helicopter, and plane that the children's hospital uses for transportation. We were told we would have the best success if we arrived early, so we got there shortly before the lab opened at 8:30 am. Don and Abigail stayed in the car, as Abigail has had a cold and we didn't want to risk taking germs in.

So.....instead of having us come into the lab, they had Bethlehem and I go to an exam room, since with our history up there they knew it might take awhile. At 9:03, PANDA team 2 arrived - a 'team' of one, very nice lady who is from England (I grew up in England, so very much enjoyed chatting with her!). She told me she would look and feel all her different options before she 'poked', and then put tourniquets on Bethlehem's arms and legs - her hands and feet were a little cold, so she put heat packs on them too. From previous trips up there, Bethlehem knew exactly what was going on, and would start crying heart-brokenly any time anyone but me touched her - when the tourniquets were put on, her crying escalated to screams - my poor, sweet girl. They (PANDA team + 1 person from the lab) decided to try feet first, so swaddled her upper body tightly in a blanket to keep her from flailing around too much.

Two very long tries (lots of needle wiggling) later, they decided to try arms. Same story. On to the hands. They were able to get a tiny bit out of one hand, but not enough for any of the tests - so, PANDA team 2 said she was going to call her co-worker, PANDA team 1 to come and give her opinion. PANDA team 1 was busy transferring a newborn to the OR, so Bethlehem took a nice snuggle break, had a bottle, and a short nap. PANDA team 1 tried 3-4 different places - more poking, screaming, sweat, and tears, but no blood - she also looked to see if she could find a scalp vein, but said that she wasn't going to poke that area unless she was positive she could get a good vein, and she couldn't find one, so they decided that the only way they were going to get blood out of her was to go for an artery instead of a vein.

For this they needed a OHSU doctors permission, so they called down to Dr.Hayes to get it okay'd. By now it was edging in on 11 and our time for getting the blood to the lab by 12 narrowing. I jokingly commented that if our luck held, the PANDA teams would get called out right before we got the okay from the doctor - less than a minute later, their pagers went off. Fortunately, it was only one call, so PANDA team 1 left and PANDA team 2 stayed to do the artery draw. At 11:30 Dr. Hayes called and gave her okay. I was praying so hard that they would be able to get it in time! They tried the right wrist first - and only got a small amount of blood. PANDA team 2 said - okay, this is it. We'll try her other wrist and if that doesn't work I think she's had enough for today. No kidding. We both had had enough a couple hours back.

Left wrist - poke, no blood. Poke. No blood. Wiggle, poke. A little blood - wiggle and poke again. Blood! I never thought I would see the day when I would be happy to see my child's blood removed from her body. Okay, happy is the wrong word. Relieved. I did my best to keep Bethlehem still while they filled the 11 (if I counted right) vials with blood - several times they thought they were losing it, but it kept bleeding until they got enough. All three of us were a little shaky from holding in that position for so long when it was over. Bethlehem was exhausted - her little eyes blood shot from crying, her whole little body shaking with emotion. Finally the words I wanted to hear - "you can pick her up - we're done". I asked what time it was - 11:52. 8 minutes to get the blood to the lab. PANDA team 2 said she would hand carry it down to the lab, and it was finally time to go.

We rocked and sang, and in typical Bethlehem fashion, she quickly quieted in my arms, popped up, gave me a watery smile, and then relaxed. We went out to the car and she drank an 8 oz bottle - then had a quick snack of Joe's O's before I popped her in her car seat and we drove home. Abigail did great waiting for almost 4 hours too!

We are home. Bethlehem seems in very good spirits considering she was poked 11+ times in 8 different areas of her little body. Last time it took about 4 days to get back to 'normal'. Please pray for my little one. It was so hard on her - and I'm so glad to have it over and done with. I dreaded it so much - it really feels like you are betraying your little one when you carry them in, knowing what is going to happen. Many times during the whole ordeal she would look up at me from where I held her pinned to the table and sob out "mama, mama" - I knew what she was really saying was "mama, make them stop. It hurts".

Rough morning for both of us.

Thank you all for your prayers! Now we just need some good test results!

Sarah

4th Blood Draw Attempt - Please Pray!

2010-04-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

We are about to head up to the children's hospital for our 4th attempt at getting Bethlehem's blood work done. Please pray that they are able to easily find a vein and get the blood they need and that Bethlehem will not be traumatized by it.

Pictures!

2010-04-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Easter morning, all dressed up and ready to go to church!

I found this cute dress at Goodwill for $1.50 before Bethlehem came home......turns out it's a designer brand and was around $100 new. Does anyone really pay that much for a baby's dress they will drool on, chew on, and out-grow before you know it??

Resist the urge to chew on those ribbons, baby girl - your dress is going on Ebay as soon as you out-grow it! ;) Just kidding.....she chewed on the ribbons all through the preaching at church - kept her so quiet we didn't have to leave for the nursery even once.....she can chew on them all she wants - but it probably will go on Ebay after she outgrows it!

Look closely at her little nose - Abigail was dancing around in her wellies (rain boots) yesterday and accidentally kicked her in the nose (actually right under her nose). It has been a tiny bit swollen and red. Poor nose!

Smile!

Abigail modeling her size 18-24 month top and 4T dress. Sizes are so weird! I found this dress at the same time (and place) that I found the one Bethlehem is wearing in the above pictures. Love those thrift stores!

Abigail kept saying she spilled a bunch of fruit on her dress and then would throw her head back and laugh. I love this girl's sense of humor!

Finding the Easter basket Grandma left in our front room very early this morning. Usually she leaves it on the porch, but it was POURING rain.

Peek!

This girl definitely has a sense of humor too, and loves to laugh!

And laugh some more.

She stands independently with ease, but still falls flat every time she tries to take a step.....but she just keeps trying!

She has so many cute expressions - I love this wrinkled-nose, lip tucked in grin!

In this picture I'm trying to take a picture with one hand and hold her away far enough to take the picture with the other.....she is giving me her "mommy I'm coming to get you" smile. :)

Mommy.....look what Aba's doing. It looks dangerous!
(Guess who I found trying to do it a few minutes later.)

With a one and a two and.....

down to the ground!!

Aba's turn!

Tiny's turn!

Green Bean next??

It's always fun when Grandma stops by for a visit!

He is Risen

2010-04-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

Today is the day we celebrate the glorious occurrence of our Saviour, Jesus Christ being raised from the dead. We'd like to wish you all a very happy Resurrection Day!

Thank you, Jesus for dying on the cross and coming back to life so we can live - today, and eternally!

Blessings,

The Titus Family

Bete's First Hike

2010-04-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

For my birthday (in January) my parents offered to give us a couple nights at the Oregon Garden Resort - since we were in the middle of cocooning at that point, we waited to take our first overnight trip until we thought Bethlehem was ready for it. Wednesday, we headed out for Silverton. The weather report for Thursday was no rain, so we decided to take Bethlehem on her first hike. Don and I love hiking, and we hope our children will grow to love it as much as we do!!! What better place for a first hike than Silver Creek Falls, the trail of 10 waterfalls?? A little over two years ago on a rather cold and rainy February day, we brought Abigail on her very first hike to this exact location - when she was only 4 months old!!!

All snug in her multiple layers and in the backpack carrier, Bethlehem seemed anything but impressed.

It was pretty cold, although sunny, and she was pretty bundled - if I could barely move my arm I might not be too excited either!!

Gearing up at the van - Abigail has her own little set of hiking poles - we took an extra carrier for her, but she opted for her own two feet for the better part of the hike. That's my little hiker!

Don getting the snacks and water situated in the Ergo - since Abigail wasn't using it, we put it to good use as a backpack!

Mommy, Bethlehem and Abigail starting out!

Here is the path to the trailhead!!

We made lots of stops to discover rocks, flowers, leaves, moss, bugs, chipmunks, birds, sticks and pine cones.

South Falls, the biggest waterfall of the 10.

Getting ready to go behind the falls!

It was very noisy, windy and wet!

My little explorer.

That's our trail! Since I didn't know if it would scare Bethlehem to go behind the falls, I told Don I would hike through quickly and meet him and Aba on the other side when we found a dry spot to wait in. Bete wasn't scared at all, and laughed as we hiked through what felt like a very cold shower!

Don and Abigail came through a bit slower, since Aba was on foot - they were VERY wet by the time they reached us.

Abigail wasn't super happy about being drenched, but I'd brought along an extra jacket, and she was soon snug and dry.

After about 1.5 - 2 miles, Abigail decided it was time to ride instead of walk. She wanted to ride in the BIG backpack and so we switched Bete to the Ergo - and ate the snacks!

We opted for a short hike and only went about 3 miles (on Abigail's first hike we did the whole 8.5 mile loop) and took in only 3 of the 10 waterfalls. Bete almost fell asleep.

Guess who was still full of energy back at the trailhead??

And this one too!!

I think she enjoyed her first hike!

I'm glad, because this was the first of many!!!!

When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;

Then sings my soul
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

Carl Boberg, 1859 - 1940

A Meeting at the Park

2010-03-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

When Don and I started the adoption process, Don suggested starting a blog so that some of our friends could keep tabs on our adoption process. I was completely against the idea, in fact, (you will laugh) I honestly did not really even know what a blog was. I don't spend a whole lot of time online, and had never read a blog before, let alone have one of my own. But he thought it would be a good idea, and so I went along with it. I am so thankful that we did. And here is the reason.

There was once a very handsome little boy named Tegegn - he lived far, far away in an orphanage called BCHA. Sometime in September, he was transferred to Hannah's Hope in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia - and on Oct 23, 2009 was matched with his forever family. He was 12.5 months old.

Referral Picture!!!

There was once a very beautiful little girl named Bethlehem, she lived far, far away in an orphanage called BCHA. Sometime in Sept, she was transferred to Hannah's Hope in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia - and on Oct 20, 2009 she was matched with her forever family. She was almost 6 months old.

Referral picture!!!!

On 11/4/09 Tegegn's mommy happened across our blog. On 11/5/09 I received a random email from her. We discovered we lived 25 minutes away from each other.

A few weeks later, we met in person for the first time at a local Ethiopian restaurant.

On Dec. 2nd we passed court and Bethlehem became our legal daughter. We cried when we learned that Tegegn's Dec 9th court date had a different result. BUT celebration time came when he legally became Courtney and Chad's son on Jan. 1st.

They received new pictures the day they didn't pass court......Tegegn's eyes had joy in them. It made the wait just a little less hard.

We received new pictures of Bethlehem and her eyes had joy in them too.

When we traveled in January to get Bethlehem, we got to meet Tegegn too!

Bethlehem tried to steal his toy car.

You could tell that he was so loved and taken care of by his Special Mothers.

We were impressed by his ingenuity.

We were so excited when at last Courtney and Chad traveled to bring their son home. We prayed for them every day....multiple times. And during the night too.

This last Saturday, we met at the park - our families complete (for now). As we walked across the grass with Bethlehem snug in the Ergo on my front, and I saw Tegegn playing with his daddy my eyes filled with tears - our little ones were home with their families. And they had come so far - to be so close!

Isn't God amazing???

Tegegn, Bethlehem and Abigail

Together again!

I love these babies so much!

Mama's girl!

There is just no way you cannot completely fall in love with this little guy!!!

Family

Thanking God for friendships and blogs today!!! We love you Chad, Courtney and Tegegn!!!!

Sewing Projects

2010-03-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Sometime pretty soon, I will be making a dress to wear in my cousin Ruby's wedding, and while I used to sew fairly frequently prior to having children....actually it was prior to getting married 5 years ago, I think, I have not done ANY sewing for awhile - so I thought I should get out the sewing machine and get to work on practicing! Definitely don't want to tackle a formal dress as my first sewing project in years!!! So, first I decided to try my hand at making a fleece diaper cover for Bethlehem. I really like wool covers the best, but I had some cute fleece on hand and had heard it too worked well as a waterproof layer over a cloth diaper, so I decided to give it a shot. Bethlehem is a heavy wetter, so I made the whole thing double layer for extra protection. I am pleasantly surprised at how well it works - even overnight (10-12 hours)! My only complaint is that you can't air it out for a few hours and use it again when it starts smelling a little, like you can with can with wool (which handily 'self cleans' due to our Creator's wonderful addition of lanolin to sheep hair) - I just all around like wool the best!!!

Here is how the finished product looks!

If I make it another, I will adjust the rise a little higher, to fit over her bulkier night time diapers better.

Then I moved on to make something for my bigger, little one - I had an old shirt of Don's that I really liked Patagonia brand, made of organic cotton. It had somehow aquired a few large holes in it - too big to just mend and use, but too nice a shirt to just toss. I decided to convert it into a dress for Abigail. I used this tutorial as my basic guide.

Here is what the dress looks like all done except the hem. The back of the shirt became the front of the dress, and the buttons from the front of the shirt make the dress a button-all-the-way-up-the-back dress. I love how the shoulder straps turned out.

I tried it on her this morning to get an idea of what length I wanted to make it, and took a few pics of it on. It can be worn as a jumper, or as a dress in warmer weather.

It actually hangs really well - I thought it might not. I need to make a few minor adjustments (attach the front ruffly bit to the shoulder straps, etc) and do the hem - then it will be done! It turned out cute enough I'm tempted to raid Don's closet for more shirts!!! I really liked not having to make a bunch of button holes and sew on buttons!!!

The diaper cover project took about and hour from start to finish, and the dress so far, about an hour and a half. Easy projects to stick my toe in the water of sewing again.

Sarah

10 Months Old!!!

2010-03-13T20:37:00.001-08:00

HEY EVERYONE!!! BESSLEHEM IS 10 MONTHS OLD!!!!!

(This is a frequent morning position for our little family......Bethlehem drinking a bottle, and Abigail perched precariously on my shoulder. Bethlehem seems unfazed at having a 30lb,. 2.5 year old teetering above her.)

The other day, when I said "look at the camera and smile, Bethlehem" she gave me this look.

So I said "do that again!" and she gave me this look.

And then I said "do that again!" and she gave me this look.

She thought she was pretty funny and cute. I thought so too.

Tried on a few hats I got for her before she came home - this one was too small.

How does this one look on me??

She still loves the Johnny Jump-Up, and Abigail will often remind us "Besslehem needs her jumping time today". Abigail's doll, Tiny always has jumping time after Bethlehem. Some days Bethlehem doesn't feel like jumping and on those days, Abigail then says "Tiny doesn't want to jump today either".

It is hard to believe that our little blessing has been home 8 weeks already, and is already 10 months old!!!! She has brought so much joy to our family and we have been very busy and tired and content and stressed and happy and there has been lots of laughter and smiles and tears. Have I mentioned these past 8 weeks have definitely had their ups and downs???? Content. A state of being that I strive to perpetually occupy (take notice of the word 'strive' here....I don't claim in any way to have actually reached the goal of perpetual contentedness). It is a state of being you can be in no matter what is going on around you, whether your day is chaotic or relaxing, whether the babies slept through the night or were up 10 times (or were up once and never went back to sleep) whether governments change, wait lists move quickly or slowly or whatever!!! As love is a choice, not a feeling - so contentedness is a choice. I think I was going somewhere with this, but I'm tired and my mind just blanked as to where my final post destination was.....oh well......last night and the night before were nights when the little ones didn't give me quite as much sleep as I would have liked to have. :)

I am so thankful our little one is home. I am thankful for the things I have learned in just the few short weeks I have been her mama. I am so blessed.

Sarah

Those Days

2010-03-11T10:25:00.001-08:00

Changes in Ethiopia

2010-03-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

We just learned that Ethiopia has just passed a ruling that will require parents to make two trips to Ethiopia - first to meet the child for a week, and then later for the embassy appointment and to bring the child home. While this is good on some points it will add a lot of cost and extra time to bringing these precious little ones home. Please pray for all the families that will be affected by this ruling. I cannot imagine having had to meet Bethlehem and then leave her for weeks before traveling again to bring her home - and I cannot imagine having to have left Abigail not once, but twice.....once was hard enough!!

Medical Stuff and a Few Pics

2010-03-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

Aba eating fresh, homemade bread she helped me make......so wholesome and delicious.

Gotta get rid of those pesky crumbs that collect in ones plate.

Bread crumbs.....Yummy!!!!

Okay, so I don't usually let my child sit and eat breadcrumbs off the floor.....but this series of events was just too funny not to capture in picture before I got her her own slice! :)

Me??? Throw bread on the floor??? No! I was just sharing!

This is not the greatest picture, but it is the only one I have of Bete standing unassisted! She is always so pleased with herself, and will clap and say 'yay'!!!

I love doing her hair every morning!!!

We were planning on taking Bete up tomorrow morning to try having blood drawn again for her blood tests, but we are going to wait until early next week. One of the things they mentioned was to make sure she was pumped full of fluids.....in her case, of course, formula, and for some reason she hasn't been drinking quite as much in the last couple days as usual. Could be the yummy Ethiopian food we've had that is the culprit - when there is injera and wat to have, she will always fill up on that! So, just to be safe, we'll wait and try next week - and make sure she drinks lots of fluids over the weekend. Please pray that it will go well when we go in (we can go whenever we want, you don't have to have an appt scheduled) - I really don't want her to have to keep going through this.

I mentioned a while back that Bete's TB arm test was positive. She then had to have a chest x-ray to make sure she did not have active TB - the x-ray showed a clear chest, which is wonderful, but the international pediatrician said that it means she has latent TB and needs to be on 9 months of medication so that she won't develop TB sometime later on in her life. We were uncomfortable treating with powerful drugs for 9 months without being absolutely sure that she had latent TB (she had received an immunization agianst TB, that while not too affective in guarding against TB, can cause the arm test to be positive). The international pediatrician said she absolutely DOES have latent TB, but after talking to our regular pediatrician and receiving advice from our wonderful listserv friends (thank you!!) we found that there is a conclusive blood test that will confirm the diagnosis, or (we hope) show that she does not actually have latent TB. Just in case you are wondering......if she does have latent TB, she is not contagious AT ALL. It just means she has been exposed to the TB bacteria, and it is 'hiding' somewhere in her body. It might become active TB sometime down the road, but in all likely hood, it would not - but, we would not want to risk her ever getting it, if she in fact does have latent TB, so if we find she does, we will treat. I am just loathe to give her drugs if we are not sure she needs them. So.....to have a blood test, we must have blood - and so far, we have not been able to draw any.

There is also a battery of blood tests that we need to have done - standard procedure for an internationally adopted child, and we would like to get them all done at once. So any extra prayer would be great!!!

First Post-Placement Visit and Developmental Milestones!!!

2010-03-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

On Fri, the day we had officially been home for seven weeks with Bethlehem, we had our first post-placement visit with our social worker. Ethiopia has a requirement of 3 social worker prepared reports, due in Ethiopia at 3, 6 and 12 months after our embassy appt (Jan 11th). We will then do self written reports annually until Bethlehem is 18.

Our social worker, Tracey said that it appears Bete is adjusting well, and that it should be okay to start widening her 'circle'. Up to this point, we have been staying very close to home, have taken her to the grocery store just a couple times, and have been having very few people over for visits to meet her. She recommended taking our cues from Bete, and if she starts to seem overwhelmed or overstimulated, to draw back into our smaller 'circle' for a while. I was pleased to see Bethlehem studying Tracey carefully when she was over and looking at Don and I to make sure this new person was okay with us. She has come so far in the 8 weeks we have had her in our arms.

When she first came to us, I am not sure what her mobility skills were - she was so clingy I couldn't put her down long enough to find out!!! She did seem to have pretty weak arms and leg muscle tone, so we borrowed a Johnny Jump-up from a friend to have her work on the leg part (after she was comfortable enough to be in it for a few minutes a day). She was pretty quiet and very withdrawn at first, but soon started jabbering away in all kinds of baby talk - wish I knew what she was saying!!! Nights, I could tell were hard for her - she did sleep a lot, but her sleep was not restful. She had a bad cough, and would whimper and cry out often during the nights, she would wake up and need to be comforted with the assurance that I was right there beside her.

Here are some of the things she is doing now:

About a week ago, she surprised me by giggling in her sleep - since then, it has happened 4-5 times, and she will often roll over, open her eyes, give me a huge smile and fall back to sleep.

Pulling up on EVERYTHING, and cruising holding on with one hand.

Standing unassisted. Longest recorded time, 70 seconds....and she was trying really hard to slide one of her feet forward.

Signing! She now will consistently sign "all done" or "all gone" and has signed 'more' several times. She also recognizes the signs for 'eat' and 'milk', but has yet to use them herself. During Tracey's visit, Don and Tracey were in the living room talking about the signs she knows while I changed her diaper in the next room and Don said "She knows the sign for "all gone"." Bete heard him, looked up at me, grinned, and signed "all gone". :) Tracey went on to ask Don if Bete is feeding herself at all and Don said yes, she feeds herself bread and oreos.......he really meant to say bread and cheerios, and fortunately caught his mistake!!! :) Tracey said she would put on the report that Bete's diet consists primarily of Oreos, ######## and Mountain Dew in a bottle!

Kissing - this girl loves grabbing my face in her hands, smooching her face against mine, and kissing me!

Pointing and saying "that". "That". "Thaaaat".

Does anyone know how soon they start putting the babies on potties at HH?? The other day Bete crawled over to Abigail's potty and started playing with it. I took her diaper off and let her sit on it and within 2 minutes she had done both a pee and a poo!!! She was VERY pleased with herself.

On Wednesday we will be taking her in for another attempt at blood drawing for the blood tests we need to do. Please join us in prayer that it will go smoothly, they will get the blood they need this time and that it will not be too traumatic for her.

Thank you!!!

Sarah

Togetherness

2010-03-04T10:19:00.001-08:00

One having Mama milk, one having a bottle.......I'm hoping for tandem nursing one of these days!

Daddy and Aba

Aba and her babies (from top to bottom): Star Baby, Snuggle Pod, Besslehem's 'Tar Baby, Pod, and Tiny

Sitting on step stools!
Bethlehem is not really as big as she looks in this picture.....really, she's not!

Bete wants a bite!

A book and a bottle......Bethlehem is not really being squished as it appears in the photo.

My favorite kind of hug.

Kick Besslehem in the nose???

2010-03-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on the couch yesterday watching the girls play on the floor and Abigail all of a sudden started waving her foot around in front of Bethlehem's face. Here is the conversation that proceeded:

Me: Abigail, be careful, you might kick Bethlehem.
Abigail: I'm kicking Besslehem in the nose!! (This said with great enthusiasm and a delighted grin.)
Me: Oh, Abigail you need to use gentle touch with your baby sister.
Abigail: Mama, I'm kicking her very gently. (She was in fact kicking very gently, and wasn't actually coming in contact with Bethlehem at all, just too close for comfort).
Me: Kicking is never gentle touch - we don't kick.
Abigail: Mama, I like using gentle touch - hitting and pinching and kicking and pushing and biting are all gentle touch. (This said with a very mischievous twinkle in her eye - those of you who know Aba well will know just the look I'm talking about!)
Me: Hitting and pinching and kicking and biting are not gentle touch, and you are very silly.

Yesterday, Aba 'very gently' pushed Bethlehem over backwards while she was sitting on the floor.

Me: Abigail, what are you doing? Please don't push Bethlehem over!
Abigail: Besslehem likes it! Pushing is gentle touch. (Bethlehem in fact did like it and lay on her back laughing)
Me: Pushing is not gentle touch, and even if Bethlehem does like it, we shouldn't push - because it would be too easy to hurt her, she's just a baby.
Abigial: Okay.

What am I to do with this girl?? She is so silly.

$26,945

2010-03-03T10:24:00.001-08:00

Many people have asked us how much adopting from Ethiopia costs, and it really has a lot of variables - but for us, that is the number! $26,945. A lot of money, you say?? Yes, it is. The cost is what makes adoption not an option for some people, and there is a lot of controversy and confusion as to why it costs so much when there is such a great need. People ask how much we 'paid' for our baby. Well, we didn't pay anything for HER. But, there are many people involved in the adoption process, and all of them have to feed their children and families too - they invests their lives into the job of uniting children with families, just as you might invest your life into teaching children or fixing cars or being a nurse and helping people who are sick. And you get paid for your work - they do too!!!

If you are wondering where all of this money goes, here is a general, but not exact breakdown.

First step:

Application to adoption agency - $300 - this is a form you fill out stating your desire to adopt through an agency (and cost varies per agency, AGCI charges $300) it has info on how many kids you already have, how much you make per year, any debt, net worth, etc. The $300 is basically a review fee, as it involves time on their part and in our case numerous phone calls, etc before approval.

Homestudy - this is where a social worker comes to your home, interviews you to make sure you are suitable parents, makes sure your house is safe for a child to live in, reviews all your background checks, medical info, etc and then writes up a report that will be reviewed by the adoption agency, the US Government, and the Ethiopian Government. This costs close to $2000. Of course, at this point you have already paid quite a bit for the background checks, the visits to the doctor to get medical clearance letters, trip to the vet for your pets to get letters of health for them, copies of marriage certificates, birth certificates, etc.

Agency fee - this varies per agency, for ours $6000. This is the amount paid for the in US staff who will be working with you for varying lengths of time depending on how long your adoption takes. In our case 14 months. They do a LOT of work, paperwork processing, phone calls/emails with us, the Ethiopian staff, the US government if needed, the state you live in for child abuse background checks, etc, etc.

Mailing fees - $180. It costs a lot to mail stuff to Ethiopia (through AGCI we sent a care package to Bete after our referral), the paperwork to us and varying other places it needs to go (they send copies of our records to different places).

Orphan Care Fee - $3000 this is, I think unique to AGCI, who has orphanages in many different countries. As I understand this fee does not go specifically to Ethiopia, but to cover orphan care in any of the countries that AGCI works. There are children in some orphanages that will not be adopted, or will be in care for a long time before finding their forever family. This fee helps care for them.

Second step:

The Dossier - this is a compilation of paperwork that will be sent to the Ethiopian government. It includes your homestudy, letter stating why you wish to adopt from Ethiopia, more background checks (including a fingerprinting check from the FBI), and a bunch of other papers, which I will not go into because it would take too long. :) Most of these documents cost money to obtain (for example, getting fingerprint checks from the FBI costs $80 per person).

Translation - The dossier must then be translated into Amharic ($180) and authenticated by an outside source ($285).

International Fee - When you send in the dossier, you then pay half of the "international fee" - $2250, which covers the fees for AGCI in country staff. These are the people who are responsible for the locating your child in Ethiopia, for processing all the paperwork with the Ethiopian government, for keeping your child at Hannah's Hope fed and cared for. This may involve some of the staff traveling to different parts of Ethiopia to find necessary people, documents, etc as they need to make sure each adoption is ethical and legal.

Then you wait and wait and wait. You wait, even though there are millions of children in Ethiopia who need homes, because each child available for adoption must be processed through the system - the government agencies must make sure the child is truly in need of a family before a child is able to be placed in a family, as there is corruption in adoption. There are many pieces of paperwork that must be filled out, filed and reviewed. If a child was abandoned, there must be police reports reviewed to make sure the child was truly abandoned. If the child has living relatives and was relinquished, they must fill out a lot of paperwork, be interviewed, and there must be research done to make sure they cannot care for the child. All of this, as I understand it, happens well before the child reaches Hannah's Hope and the AGCI staff.

US Government approval (USCIS) - Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd step you apply for and wait for US government approval (from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) this has an application fee of $670 and ANOTHER fingerprinting, which is YES, another fee! They send you a document stating that you are considered able to care for an orphan.

Third step:

Referral! - THEN you get a call from your agency. They have a child that meets your parameters (in our case, female child, ages 0-12 months, with mild to moderate correctable special needs or mild non-correctable special needs). You look at pictures, background and medical information, You pay to have the referral information reviewed by an international pediatrician (required by AGCI, costs $200-$400) etc. You pray - is this the child God has chosen for your family? Yes.

2nd International Fee - This is when the last half of the international fee is due, another $2250. This will pay for the in country staff to proceed with the paperwork required to legally adopt the child. They will need to go to court for you - hopefully just once, but maybe twice, three times, sometimes on very rare occasions, four or five times. If you don't pass court the first time, it could be because your child's relinquishing family member did not come. The in country staff will work to find them to make sure they are at the next court appointment. All of this takes time, money and travel. Different documents must be collected, submitted, processed. If your child is sick, there will be costs incurred with medical care (in our case, Bethlehem was in the hospital several days with pneumonia).

Medicals for your child - you pay close to $500 for in country medical check ups and lab reports.

Post Adoption Fees - At this point you also pay for the required post-adoption reports. Three times after you come home your social worker will visit your family and assess how things are going and write a report which will be sent, along with 10-15 photographs of your child to the Ethiopian government. The fee you pay at this time is close to $3000. These documents are sent to AGCI and then sent to the Ethiopian staff and translated, then forwarded on to the correct government office.

Fourth step:

Travel to your child!

International travel is not cheap! First (more towards the beginning of the process) if you don't have passports, you apply for, pay the fees and get them. You get travel shots, which most insurance companies do not pay for.

Plane tickets - We traveled at a high time of year and payed $2100 PER ticket. Ouch!

Visas - $20 per person

In country transportation - $400

Immigration visa for your child (paid to the US Embassy) - $400

Hotel - $300-$400 (at least)

Food in country - (varies greatly! - we spent about $100, I think)

Souvenirs to bring home - we of course, did not include this in the cost of our adoption, but spent about $200.

One way ticket for your child - we had to pay about $180 for a lap ticket for Bethlehem. If your child is over two, you must pay for a separate seat.

Fifth step:

Re adoption with the US court system - This is required since we did not meet Bethlehem prior to legally adopting her in Ethiopia. I did not include this fee in the total, as I'm not sure how much it will cost - haven't done it yet.

US Citizenship - There will also be a $400 and something fee to apply for US citizenship once we have re adopted her, and then the fee for getting her a US passport. (Also not included in the total since we haven't paid it yet).

Okay, that is about it! So yes, expensive, but good reasons for each of the fees and so worth it! We did a lot of fund raising (mostly selling stuff at garage sales, on craigslist and ebay) and sent out support letters. We received almost $12,000 in personal donations. The other $14,945 was from selling stuff and saving money from monthly expenses in every way possible. It was hard. Don lost his job last Feb and has been doing design contracting on his own ever since (as well as applying to many architecture firms which, due to the economy are not hiring). I started working (very) part time at a cloth diapering store - we did child care for a family friend. The Lord provided. Our daughter is home, we are not in debt.

Take it from someone who knows and has been there - If the Lord is calling you to adopt, jump in with both feet, because no questions about it - HE WILL PROVIDE. You will have to make sacrifices, but HE will show you the way.

Is someone missing from your family???

We are truly blessed beyond what we deserved. And there is now one less orphan in the world!

Blessings to you!!!

Images of our Days

2010-02-26T20:32:00.001-08:00

Bethlehem continues to grow and thrive and blossom with each passing day. She is a very happy baby most of the time, and definitely is stronger willed than Abigail was at this age! Abigail was VERY easy to redirect - but when Bete wants something, she wants that specific thing and out of sight is NOT out of mind, no easy toy switch out for her! It is such a joy to watch her personality unfold and to learn new things about her every day! She has recently started sleeping through the night (most nights!) but will typically get up between 4-5 am to snuggle and 'chat'.

I'm still working on blog posts about our trip - but I haven't been feeling super well , and blogging has been low on my priority list - saving my energy for things like diaper changes, cooking dinner, playing with my girls, reading them books, etc, etc. :)

She loves to play......

And pose for pictures.

Aba is smiling about.....

......the panties she thought would look great on Daddy's head.

So demure....

......and happy.

She loves to sing and jump and spin.....don't think we have anything to worry about with her leg strength now!

Mama and her Bete

This girl is mischievous!

She's ticklish too!!!

Matching again!

My gorgeous little big girl.

My gorgeous little baby girl.

Making eyes at mama.

Goodnight!!!

Bon Voyage February Travel Group!!

2010-02-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

Please join us in praying this week for AGCI's Feb travel group - 9 families that are on their way to Ethiopia, and who this Sunday will be united with their children. And at least 10 children will be united with their families! Praise God!!! I know 3 of the families that are on this group - one, our friends Chad and Courtney traveling to get their little T, we've met in person, and then two online friends, the parents of little S, and F & A. Visit this blog to 'meet' F and A's new family!!!! These children are all dear to my heart because we met them when we traveled to get our little Bete. We played with them when they were living in an orphanage......and now they are going home!!!!

Little T was transferred from the same government orphanage that Bete came to HH from, at very close to the same time. We don't know how long they've known each other, but it has been for much of their short lives. They will be living about 20 minutes away from each other, and will continue their friendship here in the US!

We are praying specifically that all 9 families in this group will stay safe and healthy, that their attachment and bonding will be off to a good beginning and that their children will not be too scared or traumatized by this wonderful, but scary, major transition in their lives.

Sarah

A Confession and a Craft Project

2010-02-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

I have to make a confession.....I do not like headbands. Well, I guess I'll have to say I didn't like headbands. I have actually been known in the past to use the word "detest" in conjunction with headbands. You are shocked. I know.

There is something that seems inherently silly to me about putting headbands, especially the ones with huge bobbly 'things' (bobbly 'things' that, I might add, often seem bigger than the baby's head itself) on the heads of little babies. Any headbands that Abigail received as a baby were slipped away "somewhere" and never seen again. I had nothing against other people using them, but NO child of mine would ever be caught wearing such a ridiculous looking headpiece.

And then we adopted an Ethiopian baby girl.

Headbands have at last won an entrance into my home - there is just something about gorgeous, curly hair and beautiful, chocolaty brown skin that makes a headband look adorably cute! I still do not plan to put anything on her that have 'attachments' that size-wise rival her head, but I think headbands are definitely in our future.

Since we didn't actually own any, I decided to try my hand at making one. Turned out to be very easy and took about 10 minutes to make! I liked the way it turned out, and am now in the process of making matching ones for my friend M's little Ethiopian princesses R and E. You can visit their blog here.

She seems to be okay with her first headband!

I love my girl's curls!

You really didn't like headbands, Mom??? I make them look so cute!

For any of you out there who would like to make your own hairbands, it really is super easy! I used a size H crochet needle and made it four stitches wide. (So you would start by chaining five and then do 4 single crochet stitches across, chain one, turn, 4 single crochet across, chain one, turn and so on until you get it to the length you want it.) The yarn I used was a 15% poly, 85% virgin wool blend made in Italy by Filatura Cervinia - the name of it is "Gardenia". Sounds impressive and expensive, huh??? I got a bag of 8 skeins brand new in plastic packaging at a garage sale........in the free box. Got to love those garage sales!

A Few Cute Pictures : )

2010-02-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

Extreme Cuteness

Reading Richard Scarry on the couch.

One of Bete's favorite books......it was one of Abigail's favorites at this age too!

A good book is even better when read by Grandma!

I cannot believe how tall this girl is getting - all of a sudden all her pants are capris!

Playing and Sharing

Bete waiting her turn in the bath......we were not bathing them together until we found out if Bete had any GI friends....giardia, parasites, etc. We found out yesterday she doesn't!!! Yay!!

Don't worry, they're too big to swallow or choke on!

Bete Meets Her Nana

2010-02-16T14:14:00.000-08:00

My grandma, "Nana" as we have called her since I was very small, will be turning 91 this March. She has been a huge support to us throughout the adoption process and is one of our most diligent prayer warriors!!! Every time we would go to visit (often, since she lives with my parents less than a half mile from our house) during the adoption process, she would ask me "Do you have any news about our little Ethiopian one??" (Always "our" baby, not "your" baby!) I think the whole process was a little hard for her to follow - but she kept praying and asking if we needed anything and telling us she was praying and that the Lord would work everything out to bring our little one home. When we had a garage sale to raise money for the adoption, she came and sat at the Church for hours - knowing she couldn't do much to help, but wanting to let us know that she supported us.

She was very excited to get to meet the little one she had prayed for for so long.

And Bete seemed pretty happy to meet her too!

Love that shoulder shrugging!!!

Thank you, Nana for helping us bring our little Bete home! And thank you for praying for and loving your new great-grandaughter so very, very much!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2010-02-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day, besides being a celebration of the love my husband and I share will always hold a very special memory for me. 3 years ago today I took a pregnancy test and a nice big + showed up!! The previous year had been hard - in Nov we lost our first little one to miscarriage at 12 weeks, and less than a month later we lost our good friend Benji Hawk in a skiing accident. Lost is actually not the right word to use for either of them, as we know right where they are and can't wait for the day we will see them both in Heaven!

When that + showed up, I was so excited. And so scared. Would this baby go to Heaven and leave our hearts broken again? Was the reason the Lord had placed adoption on my heart from the time I was 3 because I would not be able to carry a baby full term?? Only time would tell.

Over the course of the next few weeks I started experiencing many of the same scary symptoms I had when I miscarried Autumn Joy. I was consumed with fear. Somehow, I managed to lay that fear at Jesus feet and was (for the most part) able to leave it there. He had given this child life, and He would take care of him or her. On Oct 12, 2007, Abigail Elizabeth arrived - my first child I was blessed to be able to hold in my arms, and a child I never would have held had her sister not left us.

Happy Positive Pregnancy Test Day, Abigail!!! We love you so much and can't imagine our lives without you!!!!

As I write this, I am watching my two beautiful daughters play - one who joined our family by birth and one by adoption........I am so blessed! And I can't wait to see where my next little one will come from!!! Only time will tell.........

I don't have a picture of the positive pregnancy test, so this one will have to do!!!

Grief

2010-02-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

Our agency required us to do quite a bit of educational training on the issues that these little ones who have been adopted and been through so many transitions face - and I am glad they did. One thing I wish is that the training was a little more Christ-centered, as one of the things we do frequently with both our children is pray over them - and it is the #1 parenting technique/tool I know of. He truly is the source of all wisdom, and I ask Him frequently throughout my days for extra! Someone needs to write a Hague approved Christian Adoption training course!

Little Bethlehem has definitely had her share of hard times - just losing the woman she grew inside of is a major loss for any child, but beyond that, to lose multiple caregivers at the orphanages she lived in, to lose the many places she has lived, the other children she lived with, the language that was spoken to her, the smells, textures, and colors of the country she was born in. That is a lot. And she is only 9 months old.

I was recently reading a Montessori booklet, and in it it states: "Because of the young child's strong sense of order, it is ideal if the room you prepare for him or her can stay the same for the first year. Thus it is very important to put a lot of thought into just how to arrange this first environment." It also says "for the first year of life, the infant's world is his or her family."

My little one has had not just her room disorganized, she has had her entire life disorganized, put back together, disorganized again, put back together, disorganized again......okay, so you get the picture. It is so true that babies LOVE order. They like to know whose face they will see when they wake up, that milk and a dry diaper will follow close behind it - they want to grow and thrive and play and have predictability. They want their world to be stable. But our adopted children do not come from stability - there is no need for adoption in a stable environment. Our children come to us through a wall of tears. Unfortunately for the very young, they do not have language to express their thoughts, feelings, needs, and their grief. They feel the loss, yet cannot explain it, or understand when we explain it to them. They know something is wrong, something is missing. But they cannot articulate what it is, where it went, or how to fix it.

For much of her first year, she has had no family to be her world.

When we first met Bethlehem in Ethiopia, she handled her fear and grief from the shock of this transition by withdrawing and sleeping. In the almost four weeks we've been home, there have been two times when I can say for sure she was openly experiencing grief and both times it broke my heart. Sometimes it is hard to tell what is adoption/trauma related and what is just normal babyhood - and I'm sure we will learn a lot in the coming years. The first time I saw my baby openly grieve was a week after we got home. We had been spending lots of 'womb time' together - cuddling, wearing her in a sling, keeping a very low-key environment, we were growing more and more comfortable with each other. Don and Abigail went out for a walk and Bethlehem and I were rocking in the rocking chair. She had just had a bottle, been changed and was only an hour up from a nap, so was not overtired. We were making eye contact and I was talking to her - she was studying my face. Without warning, her little eyes widened as they looked into mine and she started sobbing. Uncontrollable, heart wrenching sobs. I rocked her, bounced her, offered her a bottle, sang to her. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. After about 15 minutes her sobs escalated to screams. She tried to push me away, to pull my hands off her body. 45 minutes later she stopped, sighed looked up at me and smiled. She was done.

In country, Almaz had told us that one of the wonderful things about Bethlehem is that she consoles easily. And this is true. When she cries, she needs something (food, comfort, etc) once she gets it, she is happy. As her final report said "she is joyful when all is well". But how can you console a broken heart??

The second time was more recently. I have been working on teaching her to nurse, and while we haven't made huge progress, we have made a little - she is completely comfortable with skin-to-skin contact, and has tried to latch on twice. Every evening (and other times too, but consistently in the evening) when she is pretty full and sleepy, I offer her mama milk. Usually, she looks interested pokes around a little, occasionally will 'lip' me, and then is done. It is always extremely low-key and is bonding, even though she is not actually nursing. Several nights ago, when I offered her milk, she completely lost it. I don't know if it triggered some memory, but something deep inside her little being hit an alarm button and she cried and cried and cried - for almost 3 hours. And I cried too, but not for that long. I made good use of my rocking chair that evening. As my sweet girl wept, I prayed for her - that the Lord would heal her heart and bind it with His gentle love. That He would help her feel calm, safe, and loved. That her disrupted, unorganized little life would start making sense, that she would know that she is HOME.

I love that girl.

Pray for us, as we help Bethlehem process all the changes that have taken place in her life. She is strong, but fragile at the same time. She is a happy girl, but feels deeply and has lost much. She has real, solid reason to grieve. Pray that we will have wisdom in helping her grieve, instead of unintentionally trying to help her avoid grief.

Sarah

"The Day" - More Trip Ramblings

2010-02-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

We woke Sunday morning feeling fairly rested, despite the fact that we'd slept less than 5 hours. I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, feeling all kinds of emotions and thinking all kinds of thoughts. It is hard to put in to words what you are feeling on the morning of the day you meet your daughter for the first time. Words like: wonder, excitement, fear, amazement, blessed all come to mind, but they look so flat and lifeless on the computer screen. They don't even begin to describe what I was feeling....maybe I'm just too tired to think of the right words, but maybe there are no words to describe it.

We got up and popped next door to see if the Wenzels were up - and headed down to breakfast together. While we ate we chatted about what foods were safe to eat, what liquids safe to drink, etc. Kim and I both opted for extreme caution, and Don, Kim and Lloyd all took Pepto Bismol a half hour before each meal. Since I was pumping milk and planned to give it to Bethlehem, I could not, as it is one of the drugs that can be a risk for babies, especially if they have any kind of a viral infection, and I would not know if she did or did not. Not worth the risk. Instead, I took acidophilus and candied ginger before and after each meal. And used extreme caution. I ate some of the food on the breakfast buffet - little samosas (sp?) filled with lentils, toast, cheese omelet cooked to order and bottled water from our room. The meat looked good, but I noticed that every once in a while they would bring out fresh hot meat and mix it in with what was remaining in the pan. Since the buffet ran for a good number of hours, I decided not to eat any of that!! I shied away from anything that was not hot, fresh fruit, dairy products (except for the cheese in the omelet, which was cooked well), lunch meat, meat in general (because it never seemed hot on the buffet). I have a friend who was a missionary in Africa for years (I want to say 50 years, but I can't remember for sure). She told me we should always carry a handkerchief with us to wipe water drops off of silverware, or cups, and also to be careful of tea and coffee because you don't know how it has been treated. So for this reason I did not have coffee for the first couple days. It looked so good though, I asked Almaz if it would be safe to drink, and she said yes, that we should just stay away from coffee and tea other places (street vendors, etc). So for the rest of the week I greatly enjoyed coffee with steamed milk every morning for breakfast. My friend also told us to use extreme caution with hotel buffets, as you don't know how long the food has been sitting out. She said to try to go to eat right when the food is being put out so it is very fresh. We actually started getting up at 6 am to go down for breakfast, but the food still did not seem hot - I don't know how early they set it out, as they told us the buffet opens at 6:30!!!

Several other AGCI families came in while we were eating, and we chatted about 'things' and made vague mentionings of the major happenings of the afternoon. Since we meet our children on Sunday, and Almaz attends church in the morning, we had to wait until the afternoon to meet for going over paperwork and THEN going to Hannah's Hope to be united with our children.

WE